BridgeGate Rocks the Political World!


Bridgegate threatens the Chris Christie presidency.

Bridgegate threatens the Chris Christie presidency.

The political world was shaken to its foundations this past week when the presumptive 2016 Republican nominee Chris Christie  (shown here second from left with some aides)

Governor Christie (second from left) with aides

Governor Christie (second from left) with aides

was accused of closing lanes at the George Washington bridge and causing massive traffic jams just to punish a political adversary.

With my responsibility as a member of the MSM to investigate any story that would embarrass a Republican (even a RINO such as Christie) always on my mind I asked the governor for an interview which he was gracious enough to accept.

MI: Thank you for meeting with me Governor Christie.  When did you first hear of the bridge lane closings, and did you authorize them to punish your political enemies?

CC: No.  Definitely not.  I’ve come out here today to apologize to the citizens of New Jersey.  I apologize to the people of Fort Lee.  I apologize to the members of the New Jersey state legislature and I apologize to Tattaglia for calling him a pimp who could never have outfoxed Santino.  I am embarrassed and humiliated by the conduct of some of the members of my team.

MI:  So you deny any knowledge of the bridge lane closures. You deny that you wanted to punish the Mayor of Ft. Lee, who supported your opponent in the last gubernatorial election?

CC:  Of course!  I would never do this to the people.  I would never close a bridge just to punish a political enemy.  This bridge business has caused me nothing but headaches.

[Ted Kennedy enters]

The neck brace will drum up sympathy.  I know what I'm talking about!

The neck brace will drum up sympathy. I know what I’m talking about!

TK: Hold on.  Hold on.  Chris, I’m an expert when it comes to bridge scandals.  Let me give you some advice.  You need an alibi.  Go on television and say you had a concussion and were afraid of drowning.  Wear a neck brace for a few days to try and drum up sympathy.

CC: A neck brace.  Do you really think that’ll work?

TK: Of course it did.  The neck brace kept me out of jail.  No jury was going to convict me of vehicular homicide after seeing me looking so forlorn.

CC:  Okay.  Thanks.  I’ll have to try it.  By the way Ted, what’s hell like?

TK: It’s a lot like Florida, only not as many Jews. Anyway I have to get back before the demons miss me.  It’s almost time for my 5 pm flaying.

[Ted Kennedy leaves]

MI: Well that was odd.  Now back to my questions.  Governor Christie, do you think it was fair to make the people of Ft. Lee suffer with the lane closures and slowdowns?  President Obama tried that last fall when he made clear that the government shutdown must be made a painful as possible for Americans so that the Republican party would be blamed.

[President Obama enters]

Just let me finish my waffle!

Just let me finish my waffle!

BO: Now hold on there Manhattan Infidel.  I heard that.  I know what you are trying to do.  

MI: I’m just using the facts.

BO: Hold on.  Hold on.  Just let me finish.  Why can’t you just let me finish this waffle?

MI: But you did tell people to make the shutdown as painful as possible.

BO: Why can’t I just finish my waffle?

[President Obama leaves]

CC: He’s gone?  Did he leave his waffle?

MI: No. I think he took it with him.

CC: Damn.  I like waffles.

MI: But back to the lane closing.  You deny ever ordering them closed?

CC: I can’t stress this enough. I had nothing to do with it.

MI: Okay.  Well that about – 

[Joe Namath enters]

I must kiss Suzy Kolber

I must kiss Suzy Kolber

JN: Hey, any of you guys seen Suzy Kolber?

MI: No Joe, I’m sorry we haven’t.

JN: Damn.  I’ve been trying to kiss her for years but she keeps avoiding me.

[Joe Namath leaves]

MI:  Well that about wraps things up.  I thank you for coming to Manhattan to answer my questions.  Will you have any trouble getting back to New Jersey?

CC:  Nah, I’ll just reroute traffic so my limo can past everybody.

MI:  Bastard.

My readers will have to decide for themselves.  Will Bridgegate harm the political career of Chris Christie?  And if so, who will the RINOs nominate in 2016?



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