Tragedy Strikes Global Warming Cruise

Next year I'm definitely going with Disney cruise lines.

Next year I’m definitely going with Disney cruise lines.

Tragedy struck when a research ship, studying the effects of global warming was trapped in a flow of ice near Antarctica and crushed, killing all on board.

The Russian ship Akademik Shokalskiy became trapped in a thick flow of ice on Christmas day.  All attempts to rescue the passengers and crew were hamperd by the record ice.

“We came here to study the effects of man-made global warming” said the research director.

Sea ice is disappearing everywhere.  I mean there is no sea ice left whatsoever! The science is settled.  As to why we are currently trapped in ice I have no scientific explanation.  Perhaps it’s Sarah Palin’s fault.  Or the record increase in global temperature has somehow forced all the water to become ice because when water becomes warm it turns to ice.  That’s a scientific fact.

Experts in global warming say that the ship was trapped in ice possibly because it was on the water.  Said one:

The dramatic increase in global warming means that ice, a malevolent force that is pure evil, will have nowhere to go. Seeking a place to wreak havoc upon mankind, whom they blame for the destruction of their natural habitat, they will go out into the open seas and find research vessels.  If only the ice knew that the research vessel was its friend.  If only the ice knew that the research vessel was searching for a cure to man-made global warming.  Why it’s almost like the ice has no consciousness! 

As the ice advanced and trapped the ship, pressing in against its sides, frightened passengers could hear groaning and popping noises as the hull was crushed.

As the ship started to break up communication between the passengers, crew and would be rescuers became intermittent.

One of the last messages received from the ship came from the leader of the expedition.  It read:

I’m very, very cold.  So very very cold.  I never knew global warming could cause such cold.  The science is settled!  My ass is stuck to the toilet!

Using ship to ship radio a passenger complained about the cruise and asked for a refund.

I hate global warming now more than ever.  Next year I’m definitely going to use Carnival Cruise Lines.  I mean sometimes their ships lose power and we can’t use the toilets for a week but at least we don’t get crushed to death by global warming ice.

A feature film depicting the plight of the ship is already in production.  Entitled, “Death by Global Warming Deniers” the movie will star Matt Damon as the plucky Russian Captain who saves his entire crew and melts the ice by reading from the works of Al Gore.

“I’m proud to be involved with this project” said Damon.  “I’m smart.  Not like people say!”


3 Responses

  1. petermc3 says:

    Was it colder than a witches tit on Halloween?

  2. bob agard says:

    Being faithful to Al Gore would help us to solve all the problems of the globe.

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