Diary of An Accomplished, Independent Feminist Political Operative

I love him!  He makes me feel helpless and that makes me feel powerful

I love him! He makes me feel helpless and that makes me feel powerful


The big news this week in New York is that Lis Smith, Mayor-elect de Blasio’s communications director has shacked up with disgraced former governor Eliot Spitzer, aka, Client Number Nine.

Many are wondering how Smith, 31, a smart, accomplished career woman could become involved with the hooker happy ex-governor.

“Why is she with him?  You have to question her judgement” said a political aide to de Blasio.

I mean she’s smart.  And accomplished. She’s accomplished things.  She’s on de Blasio’s transition team and does transition stuff.  And you don’t get on a transition team to do transition things unless your accomplished.  I mean she’s accomplished stuff.  Lots of stuff.  Don’t ask me specifics but she’s accomplished.

With many wondering the same thing I was lucky enough to steal, make up, obtain a copy of Lis Smith’s diary.  I think this sheds some light on how an accomplished, transitional career woman can find herself sleeping with Eliot Spitzer.

Dear diary: It’s me, Lis again.  It’s the end of the day and I feel lonely.  I’m smart, and very accomplished.  The mayor elect of New York has named me to his transition team.  So why do I feel so lonely? My mother says I need a man.  She’s so bourgeois!  What do I need a man for.  I’m accomplished!

Dear diary: Sorry for the last post.  I was feeling sorry for myself.  Probably because Republicans have declared war on women.  Anyway I had dinner with Eliot Spitzer today. I like him.  He’s reliably pro-abortion.  

Dear diary: I had dinner with Eliot again. He brought a gift for me!  He handed me and IUD and said, “Here, this is for your pussy.  You’re going to need it tonight, if you know what I mean.”  I was shocked.  But then I remembered that Republicans have declared war on women and then I didn’t feel so bad.

Dear diary: Eliot spent the night at my place.  I was able to use the IUD.  We had sex.  I know he’s old enough to be my father but he’s a Democrat and that makes it okay. The sex was rough.  Very rough.  He kept his socks on and insisted I call him “The Big Man.”  At one point he tied me up the the bed and started choking me. I was frightened at first and felt weak and helpless but then I remembered that feminist power comes through weakness.  Only through powerlessness can I be powerful.  Anyway when we finished he took his socks off and threw them at me and said, “Clean yourself up you tramp.”  Thank god he isn’t a Republican or I might have cried.

Dear diary: I took my man, I mean my partner since man is a patriarchal term, to meet my mother.  She is so old-fashioned.  “I would never date a married man 25 years older than I am” she said.  I think she’s a Republican.  Anyway we had a great dinner.  Then after dinner when I was cleaning the dishes – Eliot says that a bitch like myself must clean the dishes, he’s so funny that way – my mother and Eliot disappeared.  I was worried at first but then I found them together in the bedroom. Eliot was on top of my mother and saying “Call me the Big Man.”  He then threw his socks at her and said “Clean yourself up bitch.”  I was jealous at first but then I remembered that jealousy is patriarchal.  Anyway I can’t blame my mother for sleeping with him.  He’s a Democrat and he supports female reproductive freedom.  And that’s just sexy!

Dear diary: Eliot beat me up pretty badly.  I guess he was just so enraged by the Republican war on women.  I forgave him.  God is this love?

I have presented these fragments from Lis Smith’s diary in the hope that it will make her affair with Spitzer easier to understand.  I believe it does.


1 Comment

One Response

  1. bob agard says:

    Yes, you have actually made Eliot seem to be a very sympathetic creature. When you put in all those background explanations, it all makes so much sense. Thank you for your interpretive journalism.

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