Schroeder Shot Dead!

Schroeder in happier times

Schroeder in happier times

Popular pianist Schroeder, who once wowed audiences with his talent, has been discovered dead, the apparent victim of a self-inflicted gunshot wound. Police discovered his body slumped over his piano.  In his hand was a note that said, “I ask my fans to forgive me.”

Immediately expressions of sympathy poured in from throughout the world.  From the Republic of South Africa, President Jacob Zuma praised Schroeder for his piano playing and his commitment to social justice.

He often came here and played for our brothers at a time when a white musician to play for us was illegal.  He treated everyone as an equal.  Even dogs.  Why he used to let stray beagles dance on his piano.  He was a brother.  We will miss him.

President Obama praised Schroeder.

He played for me during my campaign and at my inaugural ball.  He was a good man who used the millions he made to combat racism, global warming and income inequality.

Schroeder, who preferred to be known professionally by his last name only (his first name was Larry) burst onto the classical music scene with “Schroeder:  The Basement Tapes” which became the first classical recording to go platinum since “Lady Gaga:  Fully clothed”.

The Basement tapes were followed in quick succession by “Sgt. Schroeder’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” “Schroeder’s White Album” and “The Plastic Schroeder Band.”

The Schroeder phenomenon it appeared was unstoppable, with Schroeder selling out concert halls, touring the world and doing a series of popular TV specials.  It seemed he could do no wrong.

But behind the success darkness lurked.

“It was Lucy” said Schroeder’s manager.  “She was the destroyer of worlds.”

Lucy Van Pelt’s infatuation with Schroeder began at an early age.  At first he was dismissive of her, but when she blossomed into a beauty

Mrs. Schroeder in a candid shot

Mrs. Schroeder in a candid shot

Schroeder overcame his original aloofness and became smitten with her.  A courtship followed and they became married.

But Lucy was a jealous wife.  She didn’t like Schroeder’s long absences from home while was on tour.

“Lucy knew about the groupies and she didn’t like it one bit” said a friend of Lucy.

The two would have frequent fights as Lucy accused Schroeder of cheating on her.  On one occasion she stabbed him in the hand, hoping out of spite to end his career.  Fortunately for Schroeder there was no permanent nerve damage and he continued his touring.

Unable to cope with her jealousy and violent rages, Schroeder hatched a plan to divorce her. One of his last public appearances was in a court asking for a restraining order against his estranged wife.

And now the music world mourns his death.

For the moment police believe it is a suicide but some have doubts.

“If it was a suicide why was the gun taped to his hand” said his lawyer. “And why was the suicide note in Lucy’s handwriting?”

Indeed a disheveled Lucy was captured on security cameras leaving Schroeder’s residence shortly before his body was discovered.

Based on these suspicions police have named Lucy a “person of interest” and have asked anyone with knowledge of her whereabouts to contact them.


2 Responses

  1. I know where Lucy is. She’s in Dallas trying out to be the place-kick holder for the Cowboy’s star kicker, Charley Brown.

Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>