Buy my f*cking clothing line, you proles!

As the civilized word now knows, rapper, philanthropist and husband of Beyonce has started his own clothing line for sale exclusively at Barneys.

Being a man of sophistication, refinement and taste come on just touch it I decided to visit Barneys to check out sir Jay Z’s clothing line personally. I found his clothing line to be original, practical and witty.  Particularly the prices.  Very witty prices.  I have included a few of his clothes here in case my readers are interested in buying some.

• The Jay Z Ski Mask ($750)

This item caught my attention personally.  I tried one on as I read the description:  “This takes me back to my days selling crack cocaine in the projects.  This is  a verified Jay Z-worn ski mask. Take a walk on the wild side and wear one of my masks.  Do it and you’ll feel authentic!”

• The Jay Z Hoodie ($835)

Not just any hoodie, the Jay Z hoodie screams out “I care about social justice.’  I tried it on and immediately I felt the  pain and oppression of my middle class ancestors crying out to me.  Available in black.  Also available in white for middle class suburbanites who want to look authentic but not too authentic if you know what I mean.

• The Blood Stained Jay Z Hoodie ($999)

In addition to regular Jay Z Hoodies the Blood stained specialty line is proving quite popular with shoppers. “Our specialty line of blood stained hoodies are all about Rap Integrity. When you walk around town with a blood spattered Jay Z Hoodie your friends will be impressed.  They might even ask you which rapper you got into a shootout with.  It’s authentic bitches!”

• The Jay Z Watch Collection (prices start at $1,400)

“Nothing says ‘authentic hoodlum” than sporting a Jay Z watch on your arm.  So buy one now peoples!  These watches are so authentic not only do they contain parts of watches I stole but some of them I took off the arm of  “the man” after I shot them.

• The Jay Z Oversized Baseball Cap Collection (prices start at $1,595)

The Jay Z Oversized Baseball Cap collection comes in three sizes:  Large, ridiculously large and clown size. “Hey peeps, wearing one of my specially designed caps sideways proves you’re not racist.  So do it!”

• The Jay Z Wool Cap Collection (prices start at $2,000)

With winter fast approaching who doesn’t need a wool cap to stay warm.  And Jay Z’s caps are practical and stylish.  “Yo yo yo check it out.  My wool caps are reversible.  They are black on the outside but white on the inside.  Just like me, Jay Z!”

These are just a few of the wonderful clothes you can get at Barneys.  So drop by one of their many stores and start your shopping now.  They make great Christmas gifts. And if you want to feel good about yourself, 100 percent of the profits go to the “Jay Z and Beyonce Foundation for Jay Z and Beyonce”

Man’s got to upgrade his fleet of planes, bitches.

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