Counselor Deanna Troi of the Starship Enterprise admitted today that she has no special powers of extra sensory perception and in fact cannot sense “ A goddamn thing. Never have been able to either.” Troi’s admission is a stunning blow to Captain Picard, who had relied heavily […]

            Dour, veteran character actor Edward James Olmos was murdered today in Los Angeles by his live-in mustache. “I saw a very serious, unsmiling, dour-looking man running down the street screaming” said an eyewitness. He kept shouting “Help me. My mustache is killing me! Somebody please call the police!” Someone […]

                    In the week since superstar actor out of work fat asshole Alec Baldwin was arrested (yet again) for punching someone (yet again) many in the Manhattan Infidel Universe have asked me to provide my feelings on this important subject Baldwin is an asshole or did […]

            Count Dracula has had his vampire credentials temporarily revoked after being suspended by the American Association of Vampires (“AAV“) for blood doping. “The mission of the American Association of Vampires is to ensure fairness and transparency” said its president. We want a fair competition among our vampires. The public […]

                    The feud between rival underworld fast food proprietors Ronald McDonald and the Burger King escalated after the Burger King ordered a hit on officer Big Mac (pictured here).                     The struggle for dominance in the fast […]

            Famous Rebel Alliance fighter Luke Skywalker may have more than Imperial Stormtroopers to worry about after animal rights activists sued him for killing a tauntaun and sleeping inside it. “Some hero” said the leader of “People Opposed to Cutting Open Tauntauns” said when instituting the lawsuit. Tauntauns are our friends […]

                    This past week one of the groundbreaking characters in children’s television retired. I of course and referring to Big Bird. I had the pleasure to sit down with him to talk about his career. MI: Good afternoon Big Bird. BB: Pleasure to be here. MI: Wow. Where to […]

                The Borg will have to appear in Federal Court after a Title 9 complaint was issued against them. The trouble for the Borg began when several Borg beamed down to the SUNY Oswego campus and began making a general nuisance of themselves. “I was walking across campus […]

                    Rush hour commuters in New York City were thrown for a loop when the car they were riding in was hurtled into orbit by the alt-right vigilante known as Superman. “I was just trying to get to the Yankee game” said one commuter. And the […]

                    Local farmer “Old MacDonald” has announced that he will “do everything in his power to fight the state” which he has declared his “sworn enemy.” “I’m a small farmer who is just trying to make a living” said the erstwhile quiet, non-radical citizen. I’m barely […]