War Between McDonald’s and Burger King Escalates as Ronald McDonald Goes to the Mattresses!

Ronald McDonald will make them an offer they can’t refuse











The feud between rival underworld fast food proprietors Ronald McDonald and the Burger King escalated after the Burger King ordered a hit on officer Big Mac (pictured here).

Typical corrupt cop











The struggle for dominance in the fast food industry has never gotten this violent before and has many civilians worried about their safety.

“I just don’t know if my children will be safe at McDonald’s any more” said one mother.

Sources inside the Burger King camp say the decision was made to “off” officer Big Mac in retaliation for officer Big Mac breaking the jaw of one of the Burger King’s lieutenants.

This enraged the Burger King (pictured here)

Don’t mess with the King!











and made officer Big Mac, who is known to have ties to the Wendy’s crime family vulnerable.

The decision to kill officer Big Mac was made during a contentious meeting at The Burger King’s compound. The Burger King came out immediately in favor of the killing when many of his subordinates were against it.

“Where does it say you can’t kill a cop?” said The Burger King.

I’m talking about a cop that’s mixed up in drugs. Yeah that’s what the secret sauce McDonald’s has is. It’s a drug. I’m talking about a – a – a dishonest cop – a crooked cop who got mixed up in the special sauce racket and got what was coming to him. That’s a terrific story. And we have newspaper people on the payroll, don’t we? And they might like a story like that.

And with that the controversial decision to kill officer Big Mac was made.  A neutral location was chosen and a gun was hidden in one of the bathroom stalls (the restaurant had one of those old toilets with a chain that came in handy as the gun was taped behind it.)

The Hamburgler

Secretly working for McDonald’s enemy the Burger King










(who unbeknownst to Ronald McDonald had gone over to the other side and was working for the Burger King) was chosen to ride along as security to the meeting and perform the hit. The only snag was finding someone to place the gun in the bathroom.

“I want somebody good – and I mean very good – to plant that gun. I don’t want the Hamburgler coming out of that toilet with just his dick in his hands, alright?” said the Burger King.

And so the hit was made, escalating the brutal underground food civil war. Already McDonald’s, Applebee’s, Wendy’s and Red Robin have lined up against the Burger King.


Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News


The Hamburgler has been shot dead in Sicily where he had been hiding out after assassinating officer Big Mac.

“You betray Ronald McDonald you get killed. That’s just how I roll” said McDonald.


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