Old MacDonald Becomes Radicalized!

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Hey Federal Government: Get off my lawn!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Local farmer “Old MacDonald” has announced that he will “do everything in his power to fight the state” which he has declared his “sworn enemy.

“I’m a small farmer who is just trying to make a living” said the erstwhile quiet, non-radical citizen.

I’m barely able to make ends meet. I have a small farm. Not very large.  I have a cow who goes moo moo here and moo moo there. I have one pig who goes oink oink here and oink oink there. Here an oink, there an oink, everywhere an oink. I have one duck who goes quack quack here and quack quack there. And I have one  horse who’s always going neigh neigh here and neigh neigh there. And crapping all over the place but that’s a story for another day. Anyway as you can see my farm is one of the smallest in the valley. I just want to sell my products, make a profit and be left alone. But I tell you the Federal Government has become too large, too  powerful and too intrusive. Now I have bureaucrats from Washington who have never seen a farm telling me how to run my business. Enough is enough! 

Sources say the formerly quiescent MacDonald became radicalized after several armed agents from the Interior Department visited his farm and levied a fine of 10,000 dollars a day for using rain water that collected in a pond on his property.

They said I destroyed a natural waterway. It’s a f*cking pond! Sometimes it’s filled with water. Sometimes it’s not. So this asshole in a suit comes onto my property. Without a warrant. He checks the pond, sees it’s dry and fines me! How the hell am I going to pay 10,000 dollars a day? I would have shot him but since New York State passed those stupid SAFE laws my gun was locked up.

MacDonald, already reeling from the Interior Department fine was then visited by armed agents from the Food and Drug Administration.

They asked me if my animals were free range. Free range? What the hell does that mean?  I told them my animals have the run of my small farm and at night I put them in the barn. That’s when they fined me for animal cruelty. Great. Another f*cking fine. It’s like these government people are purposely being anti-business.

Still not wanting to cause trouble MacDonald was then visited by the ATF who surrounded his farm to serve a warrant.

They said I had illegally retrofitted a rifle I owned to make it an assault rifle. What the hell. I sometimes go to gun shows and sell weapons. It’s an extra buck. It’s not illegal if you do the paperwork. They could have issued the subpoena to me any time I was off my farm. But no. They surround me, block me from leaving and tell me that they are going to “starve me out.”  I thought I lived in America! When did this become the Soviet Union?

With the siege of MacDonald’s farm entering its fourth week and neither side willing to back down, MacDonald is resigned to his death.

“I’m taking out as many of those ATF bastards as I can. If I have to I’ll shoot all my animals and use them as barricades.”

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2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    OMG. It’s starting to sound a lot like Waco!

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