And the hits keep coming for our moral and intellectual superiors in the mainstream media. I thank god I’m just a lowly, humble blogger resistant to temptation. But anyway here is my exclusive interview with former CBS Morning Show anchor Charlie Rose.
MI: Good afternoon Mr. Rose.
MI: Mr. Rose?
CR: I’m sorry I was distracted fantasizing about watching you swim naked.
MI: Um. Okay. Let’s talk about your career. You’ve had a very successful run as a journalist. Hosting the CBS morning show, an acclaimed PBS show. What is the secret to your success?
CR: Ah, the CBS morning show. I loved working next to Norah O’Donnell. She’s so damn hot, don’t you think?
I used to not wear underwear on the set because it brought my penis closer to her.
MI: Okay. Moving along.
CR: Smooth skin. Firm, supple breasts. Milky thighs. I was barely able to read the teleprompter I was so excited.
MI: Back to what we were talking about. What is the secret to your success?
CR: I’d have to say it is perseverance. And hot, young 20-something women.
CR: And hot 20-something women. You know forget about perseverance. It was all about the hot 20-something women.
CR: Even though I’m in my 70s I’ve been blessed with rugged good
looks that no hot 20-something woman can resist.
MI: I find that hard to believe.
Why you you doubt this fact?
MI:Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror?
CR: I have my people do that for me.
MI: So all these young women just happened to be sexually attracted to you?
CR: Yes. Why does everyone find this so hard to believe?
MI: Could it possibly be you were a powerful man in an industry they desperately wanted to get into?
CR: No. It was mutual sexual attraction.
MI: That’s your final answer?
CR: Mutual. Sexual. Attraction.
MI: One last question. You have been accused of walking out of the shower naked and pretending you didn’t know a woman was in the next room.
CR: Yes. It was my way of breaking the ice.
MI: But is walking out of the shower naked and pretending you didn’t know a woman was in the next room a moral act?
CR: That depends on one thing. The size of her breasts.
CR: If her breasts are large then it becomes a moral act. I’ve studied Aquinas you know.
MI: Well that’s about all the time we have.
CR: I have a pool at my place on Long Island. Care to swim naked in it for me?
MI: No. Goodbye.
And so ended my interview with the legendary media personality Charlie Rose. You know he does have a point. The size of the breasts does determine the objective goodness of the act.