Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I have the pleasure of interviewing CNN personality Don Lemon.
MI: Good afternoon Mr. Lemon.
DL: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel.
MI: You recently came in for a lot of criticism when you said that women who are over 40 are past their prime.
DL: I misspoke.
MI: Really? Well that’s good to know –
DL: What I really meant to say is that all women are past their prime.
MI: All women?
DL: Yes. This would be a much better world without women.
MI: That’s quite a statement.
DL: Women are evil!
MI: I don’t know about that. Where does this hatred of women come from?
DL: I saw a vagina once! It was like staring into the abyss of death!
MI: That’s an overreaction don’t you think?
DL: I felt cold and clammy and my breath got shallow. I remember thinking “Is this death?” I went blind for a year. The doctor said it was hysterical blindness. I’ve heard that people who see visions of hell sometimes lose their sight.
MI: For god’s sake it was just a vagina!
[Anderson Cooper enters the room]
AC: Hey Don who are you talking to?
DL: Manhattan Infidel. He has a blog.
AC: Hello Manhattan Infidel. I’m always up for meeting a fellow member of the press. What are you talking about?
MI: Vaginas.
AC: Not my area of expertise. But I did see a vagina once. I went blind for a year.
DL: So did I!
AC: It was like looking into the abyss of death.
DL: Yes!
AC: My god what is that over there?
MI: It’s a ham sandwich. It’s my lunch.
AC: The ham reminds me of the time I looked at a vagina! Am I staring into the abyss of death again?
DL: Hold me, Anderson I’m scared.
AC: Oh my god! I’ve gone blind again!
DL: Me too! Help us Manhattan Infidel! You must be our eyes.
MI: Um. Well actually I have to go.
DL & AC: Don’t leave us blind and at the mercy of vaginas! Have some compassion!
MI: Turn out the lights when you leave.
DL & AC: Turn out the lights? Is this some kind of cruel joke? We’re both blind! How can we live in a world with so much pain and misery and vaginas?
And so ended my interview with the two CNN personalities. Mm. This ham sandwich does taste great.
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