ABC hopes you brought enough for everybody!

Two months after her affair with fellow Good Morning America anchor T.J. Holmes was made public, ABC has officially parted ways with Amy Robach.

“We really didn’t have a choice” said an ABC executive.

We appreciate the service she has done for ABC.  But she could have done more services if you know what I mean.  It turns out that T.J. Holmes was the only one she was sleeping with.  And as my first grade teacher used to say to me when she caught me with bubble gum:  “I hope you brought enough for everybody.”  Well Amy didn’t “bring it for everybody.” And that just wasn’t fair.  We here at ABC pride ourselves on being a progressive, inclusive community dedicated to progressive, inclusive values. But there’s nothing inclusive about only giving it out to one man. So we had to let her go.

When the relationship between the anchors first surfaced the network was hoping to keep Robach.

“I was surprised” said another ABC executive.

She’s always been so cold and distant with me. I remember once going into her dressing room and showing her the 500 pictures of my penis I have on my iPhone and asking her if she wanted to see the real thing. She didn’t seem impressed.  So I naturally assumed she was a lesbian and left her alone.  But then I find out she’s sleeping with T.J. Holmes.  What gives? If I had known she was such a wild woman I would have cut to the chase and exposed myself instead of relying on photos.  That’s how to get a woman, right?

ABC’s parent company Disney also expressed concerns about the relationship.

“So incel and binary” said CEO Bob Iger.

This doesn’t represent the values of Disney. When I heard that a natural woman and a natural man were dating I almost threw up into my Pluto coffee mug. I then called up Miss Robach and told her there was only one way she could keep her job.  She had to start dating transsexuals.  When she wasn’t open to that I sent her the photos of my penis I had on my phone.  Hey, a fellow has to try, doesn’t he?

We here at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ have tried to get to the bottom of this scandal.  However all emails to Miss Robach have gone unanswered.

Accordingly we then sent her all the photos of our penis that we had on our phone.  Not just any penis photos. Good ones. Artistic ones with lots of soft focus.  We sent her black and white photos. Tasteful profile shots. The works. We still have not heard back from her.

Women!  Am I right or am I right?  What do they want anyway?

If anyone needs me I’ll be at Fitzgeralds having a few pints. Maybe the bartender will appreciate my dick photos.

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