Mickey and Minnie Mouse to Divorce!

Mickey and Minnie in happier times









America and the world were shocked today when it was announced that Mickey and Minnie Mouse were going to divorce. Long thought to be one of Hollywood’s “dream” couples sources on the inside tell us that behind the scenes tension between the two had been building for some time.

“They had grown apart” said one insider at Disney.

When they met and married they were peas in a pod.  Virtually inseparable.  But over time Mickey got more and more caught up in the Hollywood lifestyle, while Minnie was a stay at home girl.  This would cause problems when Mickey would come home smelling of other women. Minnie obviously didn’t like that one bit.

When Minnie suggested counseling to settle their differences Mickey became enraged and accused Minnie of “not being with it.”

“Mickey had an insatiable sexual appetite” according to a friend.

Women used to throw themselves at Mickey and Mickey found it hard to resist. Soon he was staying out all night at parties (usually held at Porky Pig’s residence where pants were optional.)  I don’t know how Minnie put up with it.  She must be a saint.

Despite her moral misgivings about Mickey’s lifestyle Minnie was desperate to save the marriage.  She even agreed to go to one of Porky Pig’s sex parties with Mickey.

“Mickey was hoping she’d be into it” said one person.

Needless to say it did not have the desired effect. Minnie watched in horror as her husband sodomized Snow White while shouting “Take all of Mickey, bitch!  Once you have mouse you never go back!”

[Ed Note:  Admit it.  You just read that in Mickey Mouse’s voice, didn’t you?]

Horrified by what she had seen, Minnie ran home, packed her bags and moved out of their residence.

While the exact terms of the divorce have not been made public it is thought to be one of the more expensive in Hollywood history, with Minnie retaining their three homes and getting 50 percent of Mickey’s royalties.

Mickey appears to be unfazed by the divorce and was seen in a tattoo parlor today with Pete Davidson

Bitches love us!











where they were getting matching “Bitches Love Us” tattoos while discussing which Kardashian sister they were going to sleep with that night.

Meanwhile Minnie has been seen around town with her new man, Elmer Fudd.

Minnie’s new man!











“Elmer is an honorable man” said Minnie.  “And with his collection of guns I will never feel threatened again.”


Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>