Hello to all our fellow unarmed Americans from the Democratic National Committee! Greetings and salutations! By now you are reaping the many benefits of the Democratic party’s wise gun confiscation policy.  Crime has gone down (at least the bad types of crime.)  Our schools are safer and a new era of peace on Earth has […]

  Since the days of Ronald Reagan it has become quite commonplace for actors to enter the realm of politics.  The latest actor to flirt with the idea of running for office is box office star Ashley Judd, who is considering challenging Mitch McConnell in the race for Senator from Kentucky.  I was lucky to […]

After safely winning reelection to a second term, President Andrew Jackson has vowed to sign into legislation any bow and arrow control bill that comes across his desk. “Reports are coming in from the frontier of massacres of Americans at the hands of bow and arrow wielding Indians” said the President. How long must our […]

  Always the charismatic leader, President Obama (pictured above) addressed congress yesterday for his fourth State of the Union address. The festivities started hours earlier as a crowd of Democrats waited on line for good seats. “I haven’t waited on line like this since I was doing acid at Grateful Dead shows” said New York […]

Several Republicans on Capitol Hill have fallen ill with the Rhinovirus, it has been learned.  Lindsey Graham, John McCain, John Boehner among other prominent Republicans are among those affected by the pernicious virus. “It is flu season” said a Washington D.C. doctor treating the Republican lawmakers. Still at the very least one would think that […]

Recently I received a phone call at the headquarters of Manhattan Infidel from none other than the outgoing Secretary of State Hillary Clinton asking me if I would like an exclusive interview with her.  Naturally I agreed.  After some preliminary negotiations it was decided to have an informal sit down at a local Italian restaurant.  […]

  In what experts agree is the most important event ever to happen in the history of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama was sworn in for his second term in office as our 44th President. First up was Vice President Biden (pictured here) who was given the oath by wise Latina Sonia Sotomayor.  Biden, […]

  Dateline April 19, 1775.  Ye Olde New Yorke Times We here at Ye Old New Yorke Times have just received word of a gun-inspired massacre of innocents in the colony of Massachusetts Bay. How long must we be held hostage to Musket violence?  We here at Ye Olde New Yorke Times used to content […]

  The defeat of the Republican candidate for president was in large part due to the loss of the all-important Hispanic (or is it Latino?) vote. Having spent the entire week since the election pouring over the available data moving the bodies from my crawlspace to a remote upstate location I now present my exclusive […]

  Being a member of the mainstream media means that I am relentless in my pursuit of cocaine, crystal meth. Asian hookers, teenage Asian hookers, teenage Asian hookers with crystal meth, the truth. And after watching New Jersey governor Chris Christie (pictured above) in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy I decided to get to the […]