My Exclusive Interview with Ashley Judd


Since the days of Ronald Reagan it has become quite commonplace for actors to enter the realm of politics.  The latest actor to flirt with the idea of running for office is box office star Ashley Judd, who is considering challenging Mitch McConnell in the race for Senator from Kentucky.  I was lucky to snag an interview with Ms. Judd.

MI:  Good afternoon Ms. Judd.

AJ:  Thank you Manhattan Infidel it’s good to be here.

MI:  Let’s talk about your foray into politics.  You have talked about running for senator in Kentucky.

AJ:  Yes I believe that by running I will contribute to the political dialogue.  I believe I have much to offer the people of Kentucky.

MI:  Such as?

AJ:  I believe that the Patriarchy is destroying this country.

MI:  The, the Patriarchy?

AJ:  Yes. Of which you are a representative.

MI:  Well I – 

AJ:  Pig!

MI:  Could you explain to my readers more about how the Patriarchy is destroying America?

AJ:  Certainly. Pig.  To this day, a common vestige of male dominion over a woman’s reproductive status is her father ‘giving’ away her away to her husband at their wedding, and the ongoing practice of women giving up their last names in order to assume the name of their husband’s families, into which they have effectively been traded.

MI:  Well there are many people, women particularly, who look upon their father’s giving them away as a sweet and beautiful ceremony.

AJ:  Don’t interrupt me little person!

MI:  Now was that necessary?

AJ:  I’m not through talking about the Patriarchy.  Patriarchal religions, of which Christianity is one, gives us a God that is like a man, a God presented and discussed exclusively in male imagery, which legitimizes and seals male power. It is the intention to dominate, even if the intention to dominate is nowhere visible.

MI:  I see.  Are you insane?

AJ:  Yes.  But that’s beside the point. Throughout history men have tried to control the means of reproduction, which means trying to control woman.  I’d like to propose that the society in which we live is, in fact, extremist and radical. It is so skewed, massively out of balance; the result of one sex ruling and objectifying another for at least the last millennia.

MI:  Anything else you’d like to add?

AJ:  Yes.  [Sobbing]  My husband has left me.  Oh god my husband has left me!

MI:  Well maybe it’s your puffy face?

AJ:  It’s from sinus medication!

MI:  Are you sure?  Are you sure you didn’t have cosmetic surgery?  I mean you used to be so hot but I must say that during this entire interview I haven’t once thought about boning you.

AJ:  [Sobbing] My husband left me!  My husband left me!  I want him back!  I’m useless without a man in my life!

MI:  I’m telling you it’s your puffy face.

AJ:  [Gets up and runs away] My husband!  My husband!

And with that ended my interview with Kentucky senatorial candidate Ashley “Puffy Face” Judd.  I ask all my readers if they encounter Ms. Judd to show compassion.  I mean, it can’t be easy living with a puffy face like that.



3 Responses

  1. Why is this wonderful crweature wasting her time in Kentucky. She needs to be the 2016 Democratic candidte for president. She would be the perfect bookend to the Obama administration. We could call it the “Final Flush”.

  2. innominatus says:

    If you read the fine print on her cheek, it says “inflate to 40psi”

  3. Patriarchy is destroying her face. I mean, really how many jobs did she have done and why?

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