Rhinovirus Devastates Republicans

The Rhinovirus attacks Republicans, rendering them useless

Several Republicans on Capitol Hill have fallen ill with the Rhinovirus, it has been learned.  Lindsey Graham, John McCain, John Boehner among other prominent Republicans are among those affected by the pernicious virus.

“It is flu season” said a Washington D.C. doctor treating the Republican lawmakers.

Still at the very least one would think that these men would be more careful.  They are busy, important men with constituencies to take care of.  But once they get infected with the Rhinovirus they are pretty much useless.

Congressman Graham was the first to come ill, complaining of a runny nose and a sore throat.  Despite taking cough medicine his symptoms soon became worse.

“I saw Graham just the other day” said a staffer.

He really looked like a wreck.  He was coughing and blowing his nose so much I had trouble understanding what he was saying but it sounded like, “I really feel like crap so let’s give illegal aliens amnesty.”

The next to fall ill was Speaker John Boeher, who quickly succumbed to a sore throat, muscle ache, fatigue and loss of appetite.

“I had lunch with him in the House commissary and he wasn’t eating any of his food” said Eric Cantor.

So I said, “John, why buy it if you’re not going to eat it. You’re wasting money.”  He then said he didn’t pay attention to how much his lunch cost but he was sure his account would pick up the expense.  He was about to throw his food away when Nancy Pelosi asked for it and he gave her everything on his plate.

Complaining of a loss of appetite, speaker Boehner went home, leaving his congressional duties unattended.

Soon all Republicans on Capitol Hill were ill, leaving their side of the chamber empty.

“This is most unusual” according to a reporter covering Washington.  “There now is effectively only one party in D.C. and that is the Democrats.” 

As to why the Democrats themselves do not fall victim to the Rhinovirus many believe that they have a natural immunity.  Others speculate that perhaps the Democrats are only carriers of the virus.  But no matter what the cause is if Republican legislators do not regain their health soon the consequences could be dramatic.

“We need an opposition in America” said a GOP consultant.  “And right now we only have one functioning party.”


1 Comment

One Response

  1. Not to worry, Infidel. Karl Rove has a plan to stop this one party system. He wants to create a second Democratic Party.

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