The Department of Homeland Security has upgraded its threat assessment level, citing an alarming rise in extremism among turkeys.  “Frankly we are very worried that an incident may happen” said Janet Napolitano, Department Secretary. With the Thanksgiving Holiday approaching, Department officials are worried about increasing reports of wild turkeys congregating on street corners. “Many of […]

Maxie a four-year old German Shepard in the  prime of his dog life invaded Poland, wreaking havoc, killing wildlife, destroying farmland and, in violation of all Geneva Convention protocols,  impregnating the local dog population. Maxie’s invasion of Poland began shortly before 4:40 AM when he entered the town of Weilun. “We awoke to growling.  I […]

Police today responded to a report of a cake deliberately left out in the rain. “We received a call stating that what appeared to be a cake had been left out in the rain” said Detective James MacArthur.  “Naturally we were a little suspicious of the call.  After all, why would a cake be left […]

Husan Abdul Tariq used to love listening to music on his iPhone.  Then Al Quaeda cracked down. “Our ringtones now have to be a muslim cleric reading a verse from the Koran” complains Tariq.  “F—–g sucks if you ask me.  I just want to kill westerners and listen to Rock and Roll.” Ali Mahamed Yusof […]

Jeff, a self-described “unmarried loner” from Poughquag, New York has proudly passed another year without committing any acts of violence. “People talk all the time about prejudice against blacks, Jews, gay people but no one talks about prejudice against unmarried loners.  I”m tired of this.  Many of us live productive lives without being addicted to […]

Fox Television announced today that starting next year they will be making significant changes in how the World Series is presented. “Although this year’s World Series had good ratings, we cannot guarantee that every year two big market teams like New York and Philadelphia will be playing.  So we’ve decided to use the strength’s that […]

Hoping to renew support for the so-called “Public Option”, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) appeared at a rally today along side legendary movie monster Godzilla, a long-time supporter of universal health care. “I’d like to thank Godzilla for taking time out of his busy schedule be here today” said Pelosi as she introduced […]

Following the deaths of three runners in the 32nd annual Detroit Marathon autopsies were performed to determine the cause of death. “Naturally anytime someone dies in the City of Detroit we consider it a tragedy” said Mayor Dave Bing shortly before he was shot by stray gunfire. The first autopsy was performed on Daniel Langdon […]

The State Department today issued an advisory warning all American men to avoid traveling in Canada, particularly if they are traveling alone. “We have lately been getting disturbing reports of American men who have been abducted by Canadian woman.  These men are subjected to humiliating treatment.  But I should have expected no less from a […]

The Grim Reaper today sued legendary Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards for breach of contract following Richards’ repeated refusals to admit that he is in fact dead. “I’ve had it” said the Reaper.  “I can’t take it any more.  I’ve been chasing him around for 36 years now and he still refuses to admit he’s […]