The Federal Government announced today that it will ban telephone poles from all U.S. owned property. “We live in a new, brave, progressive America.  Telephone poles resemble crosses and as such, have been banned as a religious symbol” said a Department of Interior spokesperson.  “As our President has said, this is not just a Christian […]

On the heels of the embarrassment over the Salahi’s crashing a presidential dinner comes word that yet a third gate crasher was also at the event. When asked why the person was let in, a Secret Service agent responded, “What was I supposed to do?  He was wearing a T-shirt that said ‘I am definitely […]

The first annual Hijacker’s convention in Troupsburg, New York has ended.  Organizers call it a “qualified success.” “It was nice seeing the old gang again and reminisce about those heady days in the ’60s.  God, everybody was hijacking then.  We were on top of the world” said an attendee. Another conventioneer, wearing a t-shirt that […]

“Sure I love screaming death to the infidel and stoning adulteresses” says Tariq, 22.  “But at the end of the day I really want someone I can share my feelings with.” Tariq is not alone in his desire.  With this in mind, eHarmony-Jihad, an offshoot of the popular dating service has begun. “eHarmony-Jihad is unique […]

Since Richard Reid tried to blow up a transatlantic flight with his shoe, millions of travelers have become accustomed to removing their shoes at security checkpoints in airports. But now, with the advent of “underwear bomber”  Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, new, stricter security guidelines have been put in place. The Department of Homeland Security has announced […]

The U.S. has fixed an embarrassing security breach that allowed Iraqi insurgents to hack into Predator drones from their laptops. “It’s definitely not a problem anymore. Definitely not” said a Pentagon official who spoke on condition of anonymity.  When asked how the problem was fixed he responded, “We got rid of our Windows Vista computers […]

Governor David Paterson (D-NY) hoping to offset a record budget deficit for New York State has announced plans to sell Long Island.  With a budget deficit approaching $55 billion and the state on the verge of bankruptcy Paterson announced today that he will be selling Long Island to the New York Yankees.  The Yankees plan […]

Hoping to modernize their image and avoid the embarrassment of racist imagery the Washington Redskins announced that they will be changing their name effective with the beginning of the 2010 season. “Let’s face it” said a team spokesperson, “Our team sucks.  We need a distraction.  Also, there is a law against having logos that denigrate […]

In keeping with my policy of allowing guest commentary it is my privilege to have God visit my humble blog: Thank you.  I’d like to take this opportunity to thank The Manhattan Infidel for letting me say a few words even though I do disapprove of his name. First off let me say that I’m kind […]

With President Obama’s State Dinner crashed by Tareq and Michaele Salahi attention has been drawn to security procedures at the White House. While the Secret Service insists that at no time was President Obama in any danger they are in the process of overhauling basic security procedures to make sure that an incident like this […]