Washington Redskins Announce Name Change

The offensive logo in question

The offensive logo in question

Hoping to modernize their image and avoid the embarrassment of racist imagery the Washington Redskins announced that they will be changing their name effective with the beginning of the 2010 season.

“Let’s face it” said a team spokesperson, “Our team sucks.  We need a distraction.  Also, there is a law against having logos that denigrate entire peoples. so the Redskin logo must go.  Sure the native Americans had skin.  Sure that skin was red.  But I’m sure it wasn’t originally so. Global warming brought on by European invasion must have warmed the atmosphere and led to the red skin.”

Since the Washington franchise has a long association with the color red the possible name changes originally involved that color.

“We considered changing our name to the Washington Steamed Lobsters but we didn’t want to upset the important vegan lobby.”

Another name considered was the Washington Trillion Dollar Deficits.

“The color would be red, and hey, this is Washington after all.”

That potential name was rejected after team owners were assured that increased government spending would eliminate the deficit, thereby making the name change irrelevant.

Having ruled out all “red-themed” name changes the Washington franchise decided to delve deeper into their name.  Since the original natives of the American continent came from a now sunken land bridge with Asia the Washington Asians was considered as a possible new name.

However, since the asians most probably migrated from the birthplace of humankind, Africa, the Washington Asians was rejected and the Washington Africans was set to be announced as the new name for the team.

The Washington Africans was rejected out of concern that it might bring up the specter of slavery.

“Given the inherent racism in American society we worried that calling the team the Africans would open fresh wounds.”

But since a connection with the African continent was considered key to the name change the several stages of evolution were considered.  But for practical reasons, the Washington Homo Sapiens, the Homo Neandertals, the Homo Erectus, the Homo Habilis and the Australopithecus Africanus were rejected when none of the names would fit on the jerseys.

“So we decided to go back even further – to the beginning.”

And so with the 2010 season the new name for the franchise will be the Washington Primordial Soups.

“Primordial Soup.  I like it.  It’s catchy and pretty much describes our offensive line.”


One Response

  1. If they had gone with Trillion Dollar Deficits, they certainly would have had change the name in a decade or so to Quadrillion Dollar Deficits.

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