An Open Letter From God

In keeping with my policy of allowing guest commentary it is my privilege to have God visit my humble blog:

God is stressed out and feeling underappreciated

God is stressed out and feeling underappreciated

Thank you.  I’d like to take this opportunity to thank The Manhattan Infidel for letting me say a few words even though I do disapprove of his name.

First off let me say that I’m kind of tired of hearing everybody whining all the time, saying ‘this isn’t fair’ or ‘that isn’t fair.’  Do you think life is supposed to be fair?  Look at me.  I’m six trillion years old and I don’t have a pension plan.

You know what else is not fair?  I get blamed for everything.  Any little thing that goes wrong with their life and they are renouncing me.  Why?  People don’t see the big picture.  As I like to tell everybody I’m a big picture kind of guy.  But everyone is caught up in their petty little problems and mistakes.  Hey, free will baby.  Free will!  No not Free Willy, though that was a great movie.  So don’t blame me if something goes wrong.  You had a choice.

You know what else isn’t fair?  Rent.  Yeah, I have to pay rent too.  Did you ever think about that?  It’s gotten so expensive in Heaven that I am looking at office space in Malverne, New York.  True, there are many excellent golf courses in the area but that’s just a secondary consideration.  So don’t whine to me when your landlord raises your rent.

And don’t get me started on this whole idea of perfection.  You think it’s fair being judged by seven billion people every time I make a mistake?  If I’m perfect how do you explain Florida?  It’s humid, swampy and full of alligators for me’s sake.

If I’m perfect how do you explain that I gave humans only two set of teeth instead of three?  It would be nice to have a replacement set rather than dealing with dentures.  If I’m perfect how about all those rivers that flow South to North?  How did that happen?  I’ll tell you how it happened.  I was probably distracted waiting for the damn cable guy to show up.

So quit your whining.  At least you get two weeks vacation a year.  Do you know the last time I took a vacation?  September 1939.  And what happens?  World War II breaks out.  And I get blamed!  I wasn’t even in the office that week!

So quit whining.  Life isn’t fair.  At least you get to retire.  I’ve tried changing jobs but I have no certifications and I’m not good at computers.  I’m not qualified to do anything else.  I put my resume out there but the only job I was offered was as the new lead singer for Journey.  Why? Gimmick value.  They just wanted to promote themselves with God singing ‘Don’t Stop Believin.'”

Alright?  So c’mon give me a break and quit whining.  I have problems of my own.

Thank you


Wow, um, I’d like to once again thank God for his guest commentary.

The Manhattan Infidel


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