BP engineers, discouraged by their failure to end the leak in the Gulf of Mexico have resorted to a new, desperate tactic that they feel is “most promising.” Beginning today BP engineers will lower dozens of 52 inch flat screen TVs to the ocean floor.  Those TVs will broadcast World Cup soccer in hopes of […]

Speaking today at length about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, President Obama compared it to 9/11 and said that “it will shape how we think for years.” “This oil spill, the fault of the previous administration’s environmental policies, will sear the American consciousness.  It will effect how we think about oil, it […]

In part three of my continuing series that I have dedicated to my readers on how to improve their lives, I move onto the subject of responsible parenthood. As many parents know, at some point your child will ask to play catch with you.  Do not immediately grab your glove.  This may be a trap.  […]

Speaking to reporters today, the Creature from the Black Lagoon confirmed rumors that he has been contacted by BP in its continuing efforts to plug the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico. “Yeah, they contacted me.  I’m glad to help.  I live on this planet too” the Creature said.  “I have experience in deep […]

Hello to citizens of the United States of America!  Much fun awaits you in the wonderful tropical paradise of Somalia.  Why waste your money going to Europe?  Somalia is cheap for the Americans.  And prices will not cost you arm and leg.  Maybe head.  But we joke with the Americans.   Fly to Somalia cheap.  […]

Stung by criticism that it is out of date and fast becoming irrelevant to young Muslims, Al Qaeda has announced a major restructuring. “It’s time we modernized” said Al Qaeda second in command, Ayman Al-Zawahari.  “Accordingly, all fighters for Allah will be issued two camels, two young boys and two turbans.” Also, in accordance with […]

Often I get asked by my many fans, “Manhattan Infidel, what is a typical day like for you?”  Okay, so technically it’s not my fans who are asking me this. It is the police. But in the spirit of openness I would like to share with my readers what a typical day is like for […]

In my continuing effort to better the lives of my readers I now offer a few tips on how to preserve and strengthen your marriage. The key to any successful marriage is of course communication. At some point your wife will approach you and say “I want to talk about my feelings.” The important thing […]

The European Union has accused American cheese of “unilateralism” and deemed it a threat to peace. Jerzy Buzek, President of the Parliament of the European Union made the announcement today. “These individually wrapped slices of American Cheese are destroying Europe.” He then went on to describe in full why the European Union will boycott American […]

An as of yet unidentified male sped through the toll booth on the Triborough Bridge today causing panic as the bridge was shut down to investigate the possible terror incident. “I was working my shift when just after 2 PM a sports sedan, I think it was a Saab, came speeding through the booth” said […]