We must conform!
With the momentum building to rename all sports teams whose nicknames might be deemed offensive I once again turn the pages of Manhattan Infidel over to legendary sportscaster Bob Costas. Take it away Bob.
Thank you Manhattan Infidel. I am eternally grateful to you for giving me this opportunity to address your millions of readers.
MI: [Cough]……[Under his breath] What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
As I was saying, let me just say that I do not believe that the faculty and coaches of Notre Dame wish to defame the Irish race. Most Americans are not offended by the name Notre Dame Fighting Irish.
But most Americans aren’t as smart as I am. Most Americans are not a member of the elite like I am.
But think about the term “Fighting Irish” and how it truly differs from all others. The name “Fighting Irish” cannot possibly honor a heritage or be considered a neutral term. The name Fighting Irish is an insult, a slur no matter how benign the present day intent.
To call the Irish fighting is to hearken back to an earlier, less enlightened time when the Irish were often fighting in the street and taken away in Paddy Wagons. Why? I believe it was the culture shock of having to adjust to an institutionally racist American society. And they were probably drunk. Very drunk. Because that’s what the Irish do.
Fighting Irish? I don’t think so. How about calling them the Too Drunk to Stand Up Irish? Or the Starving Because the Potato Crop is Bad and They’re Not as Industrious as The English Irish.
Either of those names would honor the Irish more than the current nickname.
And with the Irish having just played the Air Force Falcons isn’t it time for the Air Force Academy to change its name as well? What is a Falcon? I know the Falcon and the Snowman was a bad movie starring Sean Penn and Timothy Hutton. You know. That guy who used to be married to Debra Winger back when she was young and hot. She’s old now.
Not that I have anything against old women. My wife is old. My first wife that is. My second wife is still young, thank god.
I mean I have my reputation to think of. When I attend parties thrown by the best and brightest of the American elite how would I look if I had a saggy old woman on my arm?
The little people can stay with their old wives till death do them part. Those who do not take part in the social circle I do. Those who drink beer from cans and salute the American flag. Little people trapped in their rigid thinking and pathetic bourgeois fallacies.
Anyway. What was I talking about? Oh yes. The Notre Dame Fighting Irish. Notre Dame University was not even founded by the Irish. It was founded by French missionaries. So why not call them the Notre Dame Surrendered to the Nazis? That would make more sense.
Sense that only I, Bob Costas, member of the elite, would understand.
I now return these pages back to Manhattan Infidel, whom I have never seen at an elite social event. I bet he drinks beer from a can.
Thanks Bob and on behalf of Irish everywhere I’d just like to say Póg mo thóin.
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