My Exclusive Interview With the Somers New York Chief of Police

This is for your own good.  How dare you civilians disobey the police!

This is for your own good. How dare you civilians disobey the police!

Recently a homeowner living in the town of Somers in Westchester County, New York had a pro-second amendment sign taken from his property.  Security cameras reveal that it was actually a police officer who did this.  With this slap in the face of the first amendment in mind I traveled to Somers to discuss the incident with police chief Michael Driscoll.

MI: Thank you for meeting with me.  I’d like to discuss –

MD: Kneel before Michael Driscoll!

MI: What?

MD: Kneel before the Somers Police Chief!

MI: I don’t think I have to do that.

MD: Kneel before me or get a parking ticket.

[Manhattan Infidel kneels]

MI: Now that we have that out of the way I’d like to discuss a recent incident in your town where a resident had his sign supporting the second amendment taken down.

MD: Do not arouse the wrath of the great and powerful Somers Police Chief.  Come back tomorrow.

MI: No I won’t come back tomorrow.

MD: Here is your parking ticket.

MI: What?

MD: You should be lucky that I am granting you an audience instead of 20 years from now.

MI: But about the sign.  Does your department have the authority to remove signs from citizen’s property in clear violation of the first amendment?  Do you consider this within your powers?

MD: We here at the Somers police department support all the amendments to the Constitution.  Except for ones that clearly violate public order and decency.

MI: How is having a sign that says “Protect the Second Amendment” violate public order and decency.

MD: It’s for the children.

MI: I don’t follow.

MD: You are talking to a man who has laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom and chuckled at catastrophe.  I was terrified.  Guns are gross and they scare me.

MI: But don’t you carry a gun as part of your job?

MD: I used to until one time I shot my donuts.  I now keep my guns under lock and key.  As I said before, guns are dangerous.

MI: So you are biased against the second amendment.

MD: How dare you question me!  I AM the law!

MI:  No.  You enforce the law.

MD: You DARE to come to me for an interview you clinking, clanking, clattering collection of caligenous junk!

MI: What?

MD: Just stay out of my way.  I’ll get you my pretty and you’re little dog too!

MI: What’s that over there?  Is that a curtain?

MD: Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!

MI: You’re nothing but a bully!

MD: I’m sorry.  Please don’t hurt me.

MI: I won’t.  I just want to go home.

MD: Well why didn’t you say so.  Just follow the Saw Mill Parkway until it becomes the Henry Hudson.  That’ll take you back into Manhattan.

MI: Thanks..

MD: And here’s your parking ticket.

MI: F*ck you.

MD: I may not have a gun but I still have a taser.

[Manhattan Infidel is tasered]

I never got an explanation from the Police Chief why they were taking pro-second amendment signs down.  But I did get a nasty burn from the taser.  And a parking ticket.  One thing’s for sure.  I’m never going back to Somers again.  There’s no place like home.

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4 Comments

4 Responses

  1. But didn’t The Anoited One (I think his name is Obummer or something like that) explain that we can’t have freedoms that could annoy others; like serial killers, pedofiles, and local stormtroopers. That would set a bad example for the children.

  2. petermc3 says:

    Breaking news: Paul was hitting on Yoko. John doesn’t have gun. Paul lives. John, unarmed, dies. Second amendment bad. Only criminals have guns, good.

  3. JG says:

    Just found this while searching for something else, and I enjoyed it. This was my sign that they yanked down almost 7 years ago. Man does time fly.

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