I like ’em big and bouncy!

Since the news broke that respected pro-abortion and pro-female senator Al Franken was resigning from the Senate for totally false charges brought about by alt-right nationalists, we here at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ have been on the case. We will leave no stone unturned bringing you every detail of this important story.

Day 1, Thursday December 7th, 2017. A Date Which Will Live in Infamy

After weeks of rumors Al Franken, for the good of the female race, fell on his sword and resigned. Well, he announced he would resign sometime in the upcoming weeks.

Day 2, Friday December 8th, 2017, A Date That While Not Quite Living in Infamy Had Lots of Shit

I woke up that morning wondering how I would live in a world where the Lion of the Senate Al Franken, did not take defend our liberties. I checked my phone to see if Franken had resigned. Unfortunately no news. All I found were links to porn sites. I don’t know how this keeps happening to me. Seriously. I deleted all the porn links. Except for the good ones.

Day 3, Saturday December 9th, 2017, A Date That, Well, Was Pretty Uneventful

The weekend had arrived. Would Franken resign? I turned on CNN to get the truth. Well, first I had to remove my copy of Lesbian Guidance Counselor, Volume 1 from the DVD player. No news on Franken resigning. How long will he keep us in suspense?

Day 4, Sunday December 10, 2017, A Date Which Will Live in Infamy But Only Because Eli Manning Was Benched

Sunday morning. I woke up. Went to the bathroom. Then went back to sleep. Nothing that can’t wait until the afternoon when the Giants played. Then I remembered that Ben McAdoo had benched Eli Manning. Incensed I turned on the TV. But first I had to remove my copy of Lesbian Guidance Counselor, Volume II from the DVD player. No news on Franken. Geno Smith?  Seriously?  You’re starting Geno Smith?  The man who was fired by the Jets after one of his own players broke his jaw? I’m outraged. Outraged I tell you. Giants lose. I turn back to CNN to see if they have any comment on the Eli Manning benching. Nothing. Most trusted name in news my ass. Anyway what was I talking about? Oh yes. Al Franken. I should get news on whether he had resigned yet. But by 11 pm I had already drank 10 beers and ate two large cheese pizzas and was feeling pretty gassy. It will have to wait until tomorrow.

Day 5, Monday December 11, 2017, A Date Which Will Also Live in Infamy, But Only Because I Hate Mondays

Monday morning. I promised my readers I would stay atop the Al Franken resignation story. However I also had a really bad hangover. And what was with the dead prostitute in my bed? That’s a lot of blood. Naturally I have no memory of this event and I am horrified by these allegations. But at least I’m not stupid enough to have a photo of me taken fondling a sleeping woman’s breasts.

Mmm. Meaty big and bouncy

I mean come on Al.  Even I know that might come back to bite me in the ass.  Speaking of biting on the ass did the prostitute object to my rough horseplay? Is that why I killed her? I mean allegedly killed her.  Anyway what was I supposed to be doing? Oh yes, following the important Al Franken story.

I’m on it people. But first I have to clean up the bedroom. You know those pesky CSI people and their blue spectral thingys. They can find biologicals.

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