
Excuse me while I whip this out
As a reporter blogger manic depressive it is always a feather in one’s cap to interview a figure on the front pages. So today I have the honor of interviewing comedian, director, producer and auteur Louis C.K.
MI: Good afternoon Mr. C.K.
LCK: Hey, what’s up?
MI: It is a pleasure to meet you. I’ve been a fan of yours for years.
LCK: Why thank you. That’s a very kind thing to say.
MI :Now you have a new movie coming out.
LCK. Yes. One I’m very proud of. But before I talk about that may I take my penis out?
MI: What?
LCK: May I take it out?
MI: Oh hell why not. We’re all men here and men have to do what men have to do!
LCK: Exactly! Men!
[Louis C.K. take his penis out and begins pleasuring himself]
LCK: Women. They just don’t understand how natural and normal it is for a man to take it out.
MI: I know! In fact I think I’ll take mine out.
[Manhattan Infidel takes his penis out]
LCK: Men!
MI: Men!
LCK: Men!
MI: Men!
LCK: It’s science. Men have to take it out.
MI: Why are women so anti-science?
LCK: They just don’t understand.
[Caitlyn Jenner enters]
I used to love taking it out
CJ: Hi guys, what’cha doing?
MI & LCK: Taking it out.
CJ: I used to love doing that. It’s totally normal. May I join you?
MI & LCK: The more the merrier.
CJ: Dammit I forgot. I’m post-op. I have no penis anymore.
MI: You cut your penis off?
CJ: Well technically I had it sliced down the middle and folded in upon itself to create an artificial vagina.
MI: Can’t you just play with your lady parts?
CJ: I can’t. My artificial lady parts have no natural lubrication! I have no natural lubrication! I’m drier than the Sahara desert and that can cause painful intercourse. I hate you God!
[S/he runs away screaming “I’m drier than the Sahara!”]
MI: That was odd.
LCK: Never slice your penis down the middle and fold it in upon itself. That’s the first thing they taught us in the Boy Scouts
[Chaz Bono enters]
I want to take it out but I have no penis
MI & LCK: Chaz Bono, famous female to male transgender. Chaz what brings you here? Care to join us as we take it out?
CB: I’d love to but unfortunately I ran out of money before I was able to get a penis
MI: Tough break. What do you do when you want to take it out?
CB: I’ve fashioned a makeshift penis using some chicken breasts that I duct tape to my body. Unfortunately whenever I do that the cat follows me around and tries to eat my penis.
MI: Ouch.
CB: If you know of anyone with a spare penis have them hit me up.
[Chaz leaves]
MI: Never let a cat eat your penis.
LCK: That’s the second thing they taught us in the Boy Scouts.
MI: Well that’s about all the time I have.
LCK: Do you have any tissues?
MI: On the desk. It’s been fun taking it out with you.
LCK: It’s something all men do. Women just don’t understand.
And that was my interview with Louis C.K. Women. They just don’t understand science.
(144)
Excuse me, I have to go lift something heavy.
Get permission first! And don’t slice it down the middle and fold it in upon itself!