Today at Manhattan Infidel I have the pleasure of interviewing former comedian, author and current Senator from Minnesota, Al Franken himself.
MI: Good afternoon Senator Franken.
AF: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel.
MI: Let’s talk about why you ran for Senator. Why the transition from comedian to Senator?
AF: I believed our country was heading in the wrong direction and needed a powerful progressive voice in Washington.
AF: Okay you got me. Do you know how much p*ssy senators get?
MI: More than bloggers?
AF: Definitely. As a senator it’s p*ssy 24 hours a day, p*ssy seven days a week.
AF: But let’s not talk about that. I wrote a sketch I want you to participate in. I just have to rehearse the kissing scene with you.
MI: Um. Kissing scene?
AF: Don’t be so binary. Yes. Now just lean forward and open your mouth while I shove my tongue down your throat.
MI: I‘m not comfortable with this.
AF: Dammit I am a United States senator and I want to shove my tongue down your throat! I have the power to do this. It’s in the Constitution.
AF: I don’t know. I’ve never read it actually. But just let me stick my tongue down your throat!
[Sylvester Stallone enters]
SS: Aaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuaaaa. Uuuuuuuuu. Ruuuaaa. Aaaaa.
AF What’s he saying?
MI: I don’t know. I think he’s trying to tell us something. Here boy. That’s a good Sylvester Stallone. What do you want?
SS: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Ruuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Uuuuuuu.
MI: Come on boy. Come on. Good Sylvester. Tell us what’s wrong.
AF: I think he’s saying he wants to have a threesome with you and his bodyguard.
AF: But he’s not a senator. I’m a senator and I was here first. Just let me stick my tongue down your throat and then you can have a threesome with Stallone.
MI: I’m not doing either.
AF: Oh look. Stallone’s sniffing your crotch.
SS: Uuuuuuuuuuu. Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.
AF: Good Stallone. That’s a good boy.
MI: To hell with both of you. I’m out of here.
[Ohio judge William O’Neill enters]
WO: Can I join in on the fun?
MI: Who the hell are you?
WO: I’m William O’Neill. I’m running for governor of Ohio. In the last 50 years I was sexually intimate with approximately 50 very attractive females. It ranged from a gorgeous blonde who was my first true love and we made passionate love in the hayloft of her parents barn and ended with a drop dead gorgeous red head from Cleveland.
MI: Fifty women?
AF: That’s a lot of p*ssy.
WO: I’ve gotten more p*ssy than William McKinley and Benjamin Harrison combined! Boo yeah!
MI: Why are you telling me this?
WO: Just feel like bragging. Well, I’m out of here.
AF: My tongue is still waiting.
MI: Back off Saturday Night Live boy.
And so ended, well, I’m not quite sure what the hell that was. And if you see Sylvester Stallone tell him to quit digging up my flowers.