Roll dem Socialist bones!

Well it happened. Despite rising crime, despite rampant corruption, despite a crumbling infrastructure and a subway system that is a mess, Warren Wilhelm Jr. (stage name Bill de Blasio) was re-elected by the good citizens of Gotham. Accordingly I now present another of my award winning hasn’t won jack shit templates. Enjoy!

Why did you vote for Warren Wilhelm Jr. (stage name Bill de Blasio)?

1.  I believe he has done an excellent job and deserves four more years
2. He’s a Democrat. Duh!
3. I live in the upper west side which is predominantly white and rich. Why wouldn’t I vote for him?
4. I’m Hispanic and I believe the Democratic party is the best choice if I want to live in a socialist shithole like the one I left in Central America

But hasn’t crime risen under his watch?

1. I live in the upper west side which is predominantly white and rich. We have no crime
2. I’m Hispanic. If I don’t sell drugs what am I going to do? It’s not like the white man is going to give me a job
3. Rise in crime?  I blame Donald Trump
4. He has a black wife! And she’s a lesbian too! This alone is enough to factor out the rise in crime when I vote.

Come on. You can’t tell me you haven’t noticed all the homeless on the street?

1. You must be a Republican. Only a Republican would take offense to homeless on the street
2. Yes I’ve noticed them. I blame Trump.
3. Socialism is a compassionate system that allows us to make economic progress
4. I like seeing the homeless on the street. They are gritty and authentic.

What about the corruption scandals that surround Mayor Wilhelm, Jr.?

1. You’re just trying to distract me from Trump colluding with the Russians!
2. This is fake news
3. Socialism is a compassionate system that allows us to make economic progress
4. Yes I realize I already said that about socialism but it’s true. So cut the mayor some slack, will you? He’s trying to bring about a socialist workers’ paradise. Inevitably there will be “shortcuts.”

Mayor Wilhelm, Jr. has stated that he wants to eliminate private property and have the State control everything

1. I live on the upper west side and gave shitloads of money to his campaign so socialism will not affect me
2. I’m Hispanic and I want my free shit!
3. Socialism is a compassionate system that allows us to make economic progress
4. Seriously. It does. Just ask Venezuela!

But honestly. Why did you vote for the mayor?

1. I’m a rich, white crony capitalist. His policies won’t affect me
2. I’m Hispanic and capitalism is a tool of the white man
3. Donald Trump!
4. I arrived in this country illegally and don’t speak or understand English. I was told to vote for him to get free shit

Now it all makes sense. The whole thing.

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