My Restrained and Dignified Interview with Respected, Restrained and Dignified Political Reporter Mark Halperin

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My penis is an instrument of truth!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I have the pleasure of interviewing veteran political reporter Mark Halperin.

MI: Good afternoon Mr. Halperin.

MH: Good afternoon fellow journalist and seeker of truth

MI: Wow. Okay. Thanks. So let’s review your career accomplishments. In 1997 at the age of 32 you were named political director at ABC news. In 2007 you became a political analyst for Time Magazine. In 2011 you became senior political analyst at MSNBC. You also co-authored the book Game Change, about the 2000 Presidential election that became a movie for HBO. All impressive accomplishments.

MH: I am very talented.

MI: So what are you doing now?

MH: Nothing. I was recently fired by NBC for baseless claims of sexual harassment.

MISexual harassment?

MH: Yes. Some women are claiming that I pressed my erect penis up against them.

MI:  Did you?

MH: Yes. But in my defense it was done professionally.

MI: Professionally?

MH: Yes. As a political reporter my job is to ferret out the truth. To expose malefactors. I have many instruments at my disposal to do this. My penis is one of them.

MI: Your penis?

MH: Yes. My penis is the penis of truth. People cannot lie to me when I place my erect member against them. The fact that the people I did this to were all young, attractive women is irrelevant.

MI: The penis of truth?

MH: Yes. Let me demonstrate.

[Halperin places his erect penis against Manhattan Infidel]

MI: What the hell are you doing?

MH: Have you colluded with the Russians?  Tell me the truth!

MI: No! Now get that thing away from me.

MH :I believe you. See how the penis of truth works?

[Manhattan Infidel receives a text]

MI: What the – did you just send me a picture of your penis?

MH: Yes. I just wanted to verify you weren’t lying.

MI: Is that a mole on your penis?

MH: It is the mole of truth.

MI: Right.

MH: May I place my erect penis against your buttocks?

MI: Hell no.

MH: But it’s the penis of truth.

[He thrusts his penis at Manhattan Infidel]

MH: Did you collude with the Russians?  I remind you that my penis ferrets out the truth.

MI: Get that thing the hell away from me.

MH: Just tell me you love me and this can all be over.

MI: No!

MH: Oh come on. Just tell me you love me.

MI: You’re a maniac.

MH: Come on baby. You know you want it.

[Halperin tries to thrust himself up against Manhattan Infidel]

MI: That does it. I’m out of here.

[Manhattan Infidel leaves]

MH: Okay then.  I’ll call you. We’re cool then?

You know maybe Halperin has a point about the Penis of Truth. I did tell him the truth after all.

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