My Exclusive Interview with New York City Mayor Warren Wilhelm Jr. (Stage Name Bill de Blasio)

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Socialism today! Socialism tomorrow! Socialism forever!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is election time here in Gotham and our beloved mayor Warren Wilhelm Jr. (stage name Bill de Blasio) is running for a second term. I recently had the chance to sit down with him and talk about what he wants to accomplish in his second term.

MI: Good afternoon your honor.

WWJ: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel. It is always a pleasure to speak directly to the good comrades of New York City. I have had a wildly successful first term and for my second term – 

MI:  That’s assuming you win re-election.

WWJ: [Sigh] Comrade my reign shall continue. The subjects of New York appreciate my strong leadership. They appreciate my attempts to redistribute income according to compassionate socialist principles.

MI: But there is a primary next week and then the general election.

WWJ: [Sigh] These elections really do get in the way of establishing the socialist workers’ paradise. They are a holdover to the old ways of white supremacy and the Constitution. Our legal system favors elections. Many of my colleagues in the Party would like to change this and just let us rule. We will rule benevolently and for the good of the subjects of New York City. 

MI: The subjects?

WWJ: Yes. Subject to the benevolent rule of their natural superiors in the Party.

MI: Okay well let’s talk about the subways. They are a mess.

WWJ: [Sigh] This talk of subways bores me. Like subways are important. I’d rather talk about gender fluidity.

MI: Gender fluidity?

WWJ: Yes. New York City is gender fluid friendly. We recognize all 31 genders. My subjects agree that protecting the rights of the gender fluid is the most important issue facing New York today.

MI: Even more important than our crappy subways?

WWJ: [Sigh] I grow bored with your bourgeois prattling. I want to talk about my plans to abolish private property.

MI: Abolish private property?

WWJ:  Yes. Our legal system is structured to favor private property. This is not what the people want. My subjects want the city government to determine every single plot of land and how development would proceed. That’s a world I’d love to see.

MI:  Wow. But wouldn’t that get rid of incentive to work hard? To better oneself? To move up the economic ladder?

WWJ: [Sigh]

MI: You sigh a lot.

WWJ: Yes I do. As a benevolent ruler it always pains me when I have to send one of my subjects to a re-education camp.

MI: What are you talking about?

WWJ: I have determined that you are a capitalist. You must be re-educated to lose your capitalist thought. Therefore I will have my security team take you to a work camp. Work will set you free, comrade.

MI: A re-education camp? You mean a gulag?

WWJ: Call it what you will. You must be purified.

[Security guards surround Manhattan Infidel]

MI: Wait. Where are you taking me?

WWJ: The Bronx.

MI: No! Not the Bronx! Anything but the Bronx. I’ll be good. I love socialism. I really do. I’ve been a socialist since I was a baby. I redistributed my poop every chance I got! No!  Don’t send me to the Bronx!

And so I was taken away to the Bronx. I was lucky to escape. All I had to do was find a way to make myself useful to my captors. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go to the bathroom. i have about ten pounds of cocaine shoved up my butt that needs to come out.

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2 Comments

2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    Break free, Infidel, from the chains of binary sexuality!

    Why do the gender fluid left insist on defining us as though we were computer code? Because machines are so obviously free.

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      Wasn’t that an Elton John song? “You’re a machine/and machines are free to fly/fly away, high away/bye bye”

      Of course I could be mistaken.

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