Today at Manhattan Infidel I have the pleasure of interviewing writer, producer and director Judd Apatow.
MI: Good afternoon Mr. Apatow.
JA: Please. Call me Mr. Apatow.
MI: I just did.
JA: That’s better.
JA: Show some respect for your betters.
MI: Right. Anyway I’m looking at your Wikipedia profile and it says that you are a producer, writer, director and actor.
JA: Yes I am. One of the more in-demand in Hollywood actually. Why?
MI: It’s just that I don’t believe I’ve seen any of your work.
JA: That’s okay. I assume you are from one of the lower classes of society so intellectual stimulation for you probably consists of raping women of color.
MI: Come again?
JA: You Trump supporters are all from the lower class. Probably do manual labor for a living instead of working with your mind like I do. And like all lower class people you’re violent and when drunk rape women. Just like Donald Trump who had his Secretary of Education rescind Obama’s, may his holiness live in our hearts and minds forever, campus sexual misconduct policies. You see Trump had to pander to his rape base.
MI: But couldn’t it be argued that Obama’s campus sexual misconduct policies violate due process? Are people still innocent until proven guilty? Aren’t those policies that state one in five college women will be raped based on faulty data? Does not the data show that it’s more like one in 500 is raped? By saying one in five aren’t you demonizing men and calling all men rapists?
MI: Mr. Apatow?
JA: Numbers aren’t my thing but I feel that one in five is correct. I don’t need proof. And those who have been accused of rape are guilty. No evidence or due process is needed.
MI: But doesn’t that lead to kangaroo courts? Doesn’t our system of due process and assuming someone is innocent until proven guilty a great improvement over what existed in Europe at the time?
JA: You’re a rapist aren’t you? A rapist and a racist.
MI: I think you had better watch what you say.
JA: Racist raper!
[Manhattan Infidel punches Apatow in the nose, breaking it]
JA: Ow! My nose! It’s broken! I’m bleeding! Help! Mommy! Mommy!
[Apatow’s wife, actress Leslie Mann enters]
LM: What’s going on here?
JA: Mommy I have a boo-boo. The big bad man hurt me!
LM: Haven’t I told you to not fight in the playground? Just for that I’m sending you to bed without supper. And what until your children find out! You’ll have to buy them more presents!
[Apatow continues to cry]
JA: Mommy don’t send me to bed without supper.
LM: I’m sorry Manhattan Infidel. He’s rambunctious for a child his age and calls people names and gets into fights. I’ll have to ask the doctor to increase his medication.
[She grabs him by the ear and drags him off]
MI: Well that explains a lot.
And so ended my interview with Hollywood elitist and
superior intellectual grown man-child Judd Apatow. You know I still haven’t seen any of his piece of shit movies.