North Korea Tests Their Most Advanced Beer Keg Yet!

This has a CO2 cartridge inside?








The world is on alert tonight as the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea successfully tested their most advanced and weaponized beer keg to date.

“The American dogs shall feel the wrath of our new and improved beer kegs” said the corpulent leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-Un.

No longer will the capitalist dogs taunt us with their pressurized beer kegs. Before our kegs did not come with CO2  so if you bought our 5 liter keg you had to drink it all at once or the beer would go bad within 12 to 24 hours. But our socialist scientists have successfully put a CO2 cartridge inside the keg. Now you don’t have to worry about your beer going bad. You can keep the keg for up to 30 days. That’s right! Thirty days!  And yes I know Heineken says we stole their patented beertender technology but I spit on those Americans and yes I know Heineken is a Dutch company. By the way who are the Dutch? Is that Denmark? Those are the Danish? Will someone answer my question?  Who are the Dutch? They are The Netherlands? Well where is Holland? Holland are the Dutch? I thought they were the Danish? How can The Netherlands be Holland?  This is just another attempt by the American dogs to confuse me!

At the United Nations U.S. Ambassador Nikki Haley called North Korea’s latest beer keg test a “provocation” and called for sanctions.

“The entire world stands on the precipice of war” declared Haley.

We must not, we can not allow North Korea to continue their beer keg tests. A North Korean beer keg with a CO2 cartridge could endanger Guam and the entire west coast of the United States. Surely Kim Jong-Un knows we will strike to defend ourselves? Sober North Koreans are dangerous but a North Korean who knows the beer in his keg won’t go bad for up to 30 days in intolerable. You know who else is intolerable? The Danish that’s who. I punched one in college. Where are the Danish anyway? Are they from Holland? What do you mean the Dutch are from Holland? Well who the hell lives in The Netherlands then?  The Netherese? You know what screw this. If anyone needs me I’ll be at that bar.

General Joseph Dunford, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, has assured President Trump that the U.S. military is ready to bomb any North Korean beer keg manufacturing facility.

“If the President gives the order we are ready” said Dunford.

Our brave Air Force pilots and naval aviators are more than up to the task. I also want to take this occasion to apologize to the Dutch. We meant to bomb the Danish.

Despite America’s strong stand, North Korea says they will continue to improve and test their beer keg technology.

“Nothing can stop us now” said Kim Jong-Un.  “Unless it’s a spy from The Netherlands pretending he’s a Danish man from Holland.”


4 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    With beer in the tank-keg that is-NK scientists now work feverishly on getting whipped cream out of a can….

  2. LSP says:

    I’ve always enjoyed the Danish capital, Maastricht. And beer, which you could drink in the affluent Benelux city of Amsterdam.

    I know, I know, Benelux is a hedgefund, but still, good beer.

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