Coast Guard Calls off Search for S.S. Minnow!

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Perhaps the ship is aground on the shore of some uncharted desert island?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Coast Guard announced today that is is ending their search for the missing S.S. Minnow.

“At this point we are switching from rescue to recovery mode” said Coast Guard commandant Paul Zukunft.

This is a tragedy and my hearts go out to the families of the Skipper and Gilligan. Though I understand they had no families and lived together. Will we ever find the wreckage?  I don’t know. The Pacific is pretty deep in this area. If they broke up in the storm then unfortunately we won’t find anything. But I always like to leave hope.  There is one thing I know for sure. The mate was a mighty sailing man and the Skipper was brave and sure. They set sail that day with five passengers for a three hour tour. Now it is true that the weather started getting rough. I assume the tiny ship was tossed. But the crew had a spotless reputation. I’m sure they used much courage keeping their passengers safe. If not the Minnow would be lost, that’s for sure.

Though the situation appears bleak there is hope.

We know from the ship manifest that one of the passengers was a professor. Well technically he’s a high school science teacher. But he does have degrees from USC, UCLA, SMU and TCU. So he’s got to be pretty intelligent. If they did run aground on the shore of some uncharted desert island you can bet that the professor would be able to find a way to rebuild the boat and bring them back to civilization. Unless he’s a total idiot of course. But that goes without saying.

There is speculation that the Minnow was sabotaged by one of its passengers, Thurston Howell III, who had been under indictment for wire fraud.

This Howell is a Republican. You know how they are. He was facing a lot of time in prison. Perhaps he wasn’t man enough to do the time. If he did sabotage the boat it’s just a shame that he had to take out the other passengers, including the movie star.

The movie star is of course up-and-rising sex symbol Ginger Grant, voted by People magazine as one of the 50 most beautiful people in the world.

I actually saw her show the night before she boarded the Minnow. I have a photo of her boarding the Minnow wearing the same evening gown from her last performance. I would crawl across cut glass for an evening with her. It’s a shame her career and possibly her life had to end like this. I hear she was the favorite to be the next James Bond. Gender is a fluid thing you know. Just like the oceans we protect.

As a last chance gasp at finding the wreckage the Coast Guard announced that side scanning sonar will be employed.

“I’m not optimistic” said Zukunft.

“The Skipper must have know that bad weather was coming. Unless he was a total idiot of course. But that goes without saying.”

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3 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    While the professor was able to build a nuclear reactor from coconut shells and sperm whale offal he was unable to fix that darn three foot hole in the side of the Minnow.

  2. LSP says:

    Several things sprang out at me from this powerful post, SMU, TCU and the phrase “total idiot.”

    I don’t know why that resonates but it does.

    #whiteprivilege

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