Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I have the pleasure of interviewing the brilliant political theoretician and noted military strategist, Hollywood
superstar celebrity has-been Sarah Silverman.
MI: Good afternoon Miss Silverman
SS: Shut up.
SS: It’s time for all white people to shut up, listen and learn.
MI: But –
SS: No. The world has suffered too much at the hands of white people. White people no more!
MI: But you’re white.
SS: Yes, but I self-identify as a black woman.
MI: I see.
SS: A black woman. A black lesbian. A black lesbian who self-identifies as a black transsexual.
SS: Wait, I left out Latinas. I also self-identify as a Latina. And I will use my special Latina wisdom to beat down your honky ass.
MI: Right. Moving on –
SS: Oh you’d like that whitey. Wouldn’t you? You want to shut me up. Your white male gaze wants to use me sexually.
MI: No. Now you recently called for a military coup against Donald Trump.
SS: Yes. Once the military is with us fascists will be overthrown.
MI: Isn’t that the definition of fascism? Using the military to overthrow a legitimately elected government?
SS: Don’t confuse me with your white male logic.
MI: And don’t fascists shout down opposing points of view?
SS: I AM NOT SHOUTING YOU DOWN! SHUT UP!
MI:You’re shouting at me.
SS: YES BUT I AM SHOUTING DOWN MY OPPRESSORS THAT MAKES IT OKAY.
MI: Right. So once you achieve your military coup what sort of government will replace Trump?
SS: A compassionate one that will let in all sorts of nice Muslims from the middle east. Like those ISIS fellows.
MI: You know ISIS will sell you into sex slavery and have you genitally mutilated.
SS: Stop these white male facts! They are mean!
MI: Speaking of facts you are 46 are you not?
SS: Stop it! stop it! Where’s my safe space?
MI: I didn’t provide one.
SS: You are so mean. That’s why we have to overthrow Trump. My body is breaking down with fear and rage!
MI: Are you sure that’s not menopause?
SS: Overthrow Trump! Overthrow Trump! We need a coup! A coup will make me feel better about myself.
MI: Miss Silverman do you have any last words?
SS: Last words? Are you going to put me in one of your right-wing concentration camps?
MI: No. I mean’t last words for my audience before we close this interview.
SS: Yes, I call upon our brave men and women in uniform to overthrow our President. It’s a constitutional duty! It’s in the Constitution or something.
MI: I should go.
SS: Wait, don’t go. You see, this is my life! It always will be! Nothing else! Just us, the cameras, and those wonderful people out there in the dark!… All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up.
MI: Good bye.
SS: Don’t leave me! Don’t leave me! Where’s the military? Overthrow Trump!
[Sarah Silverman breaks down into tears]
You know I have to find a better class of Hollywood has-been to interview.