New York is a sanctuary city!

In a daring operation not seen since the Berlin Airlift, New York City has begun airdropping Mexicans trapped behind the lines in Red State America into the open arms of their sanctuary city.

“New York City is a progressive city” said mayor Warren Wilhelm Jr. (stage name Bill de Blasio.)

We reject the results of the last presidential election where white people voted out of fear and prejudice. We welcome all races, classes, creeds and gender designations. Okay, maybe not creeds. We do not welcome Christians. But everybody else is welcome in New York City. Except for the Irish and the Latvians, but that’s just common sense.

As part of Operation Sanctuary City, New York contracted with border cities in Texas, New Mexico and Arizona to fly their undocumented immigrants to Manhattan aboard surplus B-52s where they will be dropped onto a grateful and progressive city.  But before this can happen the Mexican (and other central American) undocumented are given rudimentary parachute lessons in hopes of easing their transition to the northern sanctuary city.

Test trials were run all summer with mixed results.

“A lot of the Mexicans were reluctant to jump out of the planes we provided” said a source at Operation Sanctuary City.

Perhaps they didn’t trust the parachutes we gave them. Granted they are used parachutes but we bought in bulk. It was cheaper. But most of the parachutes worked.  Perhaps it was a cultural thing. They associate jumping out of planes with the white man. Perhaps it was the fact that none of the instructors spoke Spanish. We hired Portuguese-speaking instructors because they were cheaper. And Portuguese is almost Spanish, right?

The results of the trials, where Mexicans were dropped onto Oklahoma City, Little Rock and Philadelphia, were for the most part promising.

A good 75 percent survived the jump, though the citizens of the test cities complained that many of the Mexicans landed on their cars or had no marijuana to sell them. So we started providing pot that we bought in Colorado to the Mexicans. After that residents complained that the Mexicans were still landing on their cars, but seemed more mellow when doing so.

With the trials deemed a success the actual drops on Manhattan began the day after the election. Many New Yorkers, stunned, scared and looking for safe spaces, welcomed the airlifted Mexicans.

“Look at all those future Democratic voters in the sky” said one upper west side resident.

The election has made all of us in Manhattan feel besieged by a giant wall of red state voters. We feel like oppressed minorities. The conservatives are always saying that we progressives have our heads in the clouds but I tell you when I saw all those beautiful, brown Mexicans dropping from the sky I thanked god I had my head in the clouds. I just wish they hadn’t landed on my car.

Because of complaints about Mexicans landing on their cars, city residents are asked on the days of drops to park their cars in indoor garages or paint on the roof of their car “Do not land here. Please.”

“I am confident that New Yorkers will welcome our new undocumented with open – son of a bitch! Did he just land on my car?” said an exasperated Mayor Wilhelm Jr. (stage name Bill de Blasio.)

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