F*cking gamma radiation.How come no one told me about adrenaline?

Respected physicist and widower Dr. David Banner who due to an accidental overdose of Gamma radiation becomes transformed into a violent, muscular green creature now says that he probably shouldn’t have devoted his studies to this.

“You know I used to have a career. I used to be respected” said Banner.

Then my wife died and I became obsessed with the hidden strengths that all  humans have. Why wasn’t I able to save her?  I couldn’t pull the car off her. I can bench press 125 pounds. I should have been able to do it. I noticed that people weaker than I, who can only bench press 100 pounds, were able to lift cars. I did research and it was during bursts of gamma activity. So I developed this theory and bombarded myself with gamma radiation.

Unfortunately for Banner he was given five times the dosage he wanted.

Now whenever I become angry or outraged, which is often because I have a keen sense of social justice, a startling metamorphosis occurs. I turn into Lou Ferrigno.

The man gets action

I wouldn’t mind being Lou Ferrigno, the man was a bodybuilder and must get lots of action.  But he’s also mostly deaf. What’s the point of getting action if you can’t hear the ladies scream? Also this Ferrigno guy can be quite violent. When I return to being David Banner I’m always stuck with the bill for the damage he does.

His once-flourishing scientific career in ruins, and deeply in debt paying off the damage done by Ferrigno, Banner hitchhikes across the country taking odd jobs to stay alive.

It was while working as a bathroom attendant in a strip club outside Pittsburgh that he came across an article in Scientific American about epinephrine and how it can be used to stimulate feats of strength during a “fight or flight‘ scenario.

I read the article and man do I feel stupid. This totally blows way my whole gamma burst theory. If I had only subscribed to Scientific American back then I wouldn’t be in the trouble I am now. I remember my colleagues at the time telling me, “David, you really should subscribe to Scientific American.” But I didn’t listen. I just knew my gamma burst theory had to be correct.Well I better hit the road. That damn reporter from the National Register is closing in on me. And if you see Lou Ferrigno tell him I’m not paying the bills for his damage anymore!

From his home in Hollywood, Ferrigno denies any responsibility for the damages.

I’ve met this Banner fellow just once. He tried to give me a bill for 50,000 dollars damage. I don’t know who the hell he is or what scam he is pulling but the man better leave me alone.  Besides I’m a gentle man. I don’t go around destroying things. Maybe he mistook me for Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Schwarzenegger could not be reached for comment.

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