Oh hell I’ll shoot them both

Elmer J. Fudd, known around town for his scrupulous observance of the law and his love of hunting was in a quandary:  Was it duck season or rabbit season?

“I wasn’t too sure” he told reporters.

They overlap sometimes and to tell the truth, I’ve been so busy with work I forgot to look at the calendar before I went hunting. I don’t want to get into trouble or break any laws. because I’m oh so good, and oh so fine and I’m oh so healthy in my body and my mind. I’m a well respected man about town doing the best things so conservatively.

The trouble began for Mr. Fudd when he encountered a rabbit and a duck in the forest outside town. The two animals tried their best to flee but were no match for the experienced hunter.

They both wanted to live, naturally and tried to confuse me into leaving them alone. The duck was saying it was rabbit season and I should shoot the rabbit and the rabbit was saying it was duck season and I should shoot the duck. I was in a pretty pickle. Like I said earlier I had forgotten which season it was. A rookie mistake on my part.  I tried checking on my iPhone but I wasn’t getting any signal in the forest. It was then that I decided that the only fair thing to do was kill them both.

Fudd fired first at the duck, ripping its beak clean off.

I guess it was a bad shot for me. Usually I kill them with the first shot. But he started to crawl away but he didn’t get too far. He kept slipping in the pools of his own blood. I finally shot him in the back of the head. Destroyed the entire head. But I didn’t care about that. It’s the fleshy parts of the duck that are most delicious.

He then turned his attention on the rabbit.

After I killed the duck I noticed that the wascawy wabbit hadn’t moved or tried to run away. Perhaps he was in shock or thought that I’d be content with just duck meat. Little did he know. I wanted to conserve my bullets just in case so I grabbed him by the neck and slit his throat. I would have preferred to kill him in a kosher method since that makes the meat taste better but you do what you got to do.

With his two carcasses secured in his van, Fudd drove to the ranger station to have his kill weighed.

I was worried that I’d be over the limit and would have to pay a fine but the only thing they were concerned about was whether that was a rabbit or a hare I killed. I asked them which season it was and they said “hare.” So I replied “Well then it’s a hare” and we all had a good laugh.

He then took his kill home and ate them.

I’ve been experimenting with new recipes. Gosh darn if that wascawy wabbit didn’t taste great with hollandaise sauce. The duck I smoked for 14 hours in my backyard barbecue.

As for future plans Fudd intends to travel to Africa to hunt elephants

“I’ve always wanted to taste elephant meat. And I can saw the tusks off and use the ivory to furnish my den.”

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