“Today I consider myself really, really screwed” ~ Lou Gehrig
After losing a tight one in extra innings to the Athletics the Yankees met for game two in the Bronx.
The Yankees started Nathan Eovaldi (0-2 6.11) and the
Philadelphia Kansas City Oakland Athletics countered with Kendall Graveman (1-1 2.04).
The Yankees scored first in the bottom of the second when Didi Gregorius hit a 1-1 pitch into the right field stands. 1-0 Yankees after 2.
Alas, that was the last lead the Yankees would have. (A recurring theme this year.)
Eovaldi was cruising through the first three innings, facing only nine batters and with a low pitch count of 38. However in the fourth God smote the Yankees and by extension Manhattan Infidel.
In the top of the fourth Billy Burns led off with a double. Chris Coghlan then doubled him home. Josh Reddick continued the dance by doubling home Chris Coghlan. Stephan Vogt ended the scoring by hitting a sac fly to center field scoring Coghlan. 3-1 Athletics after four.
In the top of the eighth Khris (Yes, that’s how he spells his first name) Davis singled home Billy Butler and Chris Vogt. 5-1 Athletics after 7 1/2.
In the bottom of the eighth Carlos Beltran homered to right field.
Final score: Athletics 5 Yankees 2.
Notes on the game:
What can one say about the 2016 Yankees? I know it’s still early but they are currently in last place in the AL East. AROD looks done. He just can’t get around on the fastball anymore. Beltran is so old that he played right field while in a wheelchair. God bless our Boy Scouts for wheeling him around the outfield.
In the seventh inning, bored and possibly suicidal Yankee fans started the Wave. The Wave is not welcome in the bleachers as we bleacher creatures are too cool such displays. Besides, the Wave hasn’t been fun since 2002. Any fans in the bleachers doing the wave are severely punished. This didn’t stop one girl next to me from rising and attempting to join in the Wave. She was tackled by fellow Bleacher Creatures and her ovaries were removed. By hand.
As the title of this posts says, the Yankees hate me. Eovaldi had command of the game after three innings. I watched him and Joe Girardi in the dugout between innings and being something of a master lipreader I was able to make out this conversation:
Girardi: Nathan you’re pitching great. But you know Manhattan Infidel is at the game tonight.
Eovaldi: Crap! What do you want me to do?
Girardi: Throw the game! Throw it!
Eovaldi: My thoughts exactly. I hate that guy. We can’t win when he’s here.
Girardi: Try giving up some home runs or beaning a few batters.
Best heckle of the game:
I tried but my heckle of “The Union of the soul and body ceases at the cessation of breath” didn’t fire up the crowd. Anti-Thomists!
Recommended reading material:
The IRA: A History by Tim Pat Coogan
A.P. of Poughkeepsie writes, “Semen belongs to the perfection of the begetter, and is released by a natural and pleasurable operation.”
You’ve been watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer again, haven’t you?
D.B. of Philadelphia writes “A man is not accountable for what occurs during sleep as he has not then the use of his reason.”
Sleep walking your way to the strip clubs again?
S.J of Minneapolis writes, “The hunting of wild animals is just and natural.”
By wild animals you of course mean Red Sox fans?
L.T. of Queens writes, “Man does not suffer any natural deterioration by seminal issue.”
Then why do I feel so sore? Am I doing something wrong?
And so my record this year stands at 0-3. My next Yankee game is Sunday, April 24th against the Tampa Bay Rays.