“I run a clean clubhouse. And by that I mean no blacks” ~ Billy Martin

And the crowd of 18,000 goes wild!

And so on a balmy 60 degree day in the Bronx (ah, but if only the game had been played during the day) the Yankees started a homestand against the Seattle Pilots Mariners and the 240 million dollar man, Robinson Cano.

The Yankees started their potential future ace Luis Severino (0-2 5.91) while Seattle countered with Nathan Karns (1-1 4.50).

The Yankees took the lead in the bottom of the first when Brett “I suck after July” Gardner hit a 1-1 pitch into deep right field.  1-0 Yankees after one.

Alas, that was the last lead the Yanks would have all night.

In the top of the fourth Seattle tied the score. After Seth Smith doubled, Robinson Cano singled him home.  1-1 after four.

In the top of the fifth Seattle took the lead for good.  After an Adam Lind single Chris Iannetta homered.  3-1 Seattle after five.

In the sixth Seattle scored one more run when Adam Lind singled home Robinson Cano.  4-1 Seattle after six.  Severino was taken out after 5 2/3 innings by Girardi and replaced by Kirby Yates.

In the seventh Seattle scored again. After Ketel Marte led off with a single and stole second, he reached third on a groundout by Nori Aoki. He then scored on a sac fly by Franklin Gutierrez. 5-1 Seattle after seven.  Kirby Yates was taken out after pitching 2/3 of an inning and replaced by Tyler Olsen who pitched the rest of the game for the Yanks.

In the top of the eight Seattle, well you guessed it  After a double by Nelson Cruz, Chris Iannetta singled him home.  6-1 Seattle after eight.

Seattle scored one more time in the ninth.  (How?  Who cares at this point.).

Final score:  Seattle 7 Yankees 1.  Luis Severino took the loss for the Yanks, giving up eight hits and four runs over 5 2/3 while allowing one walk and striking out two.  Karns pitched five innings for Seattle giving up one run on five hits while walking four and striking out seven.

Notes on the game:

The Yankees fell victim to the same bug-a-boo that has plagued them since 2002:  The inability to move runners over. They left ten men on base during the game.  Somewhere, Derek Jeter, Bernie Williams, Paul O’Neil, Scott Brosius and Tino Martinez were hanging their heads in shame.

There is nothing more depressing than night baseball in April. Especially if your team is losing. The team’s cold. The fans are cold.  Everyone is miserable. By the end of the game (even though the official attendance was 35,000) probably only 18,000 were still in the ballpark.

Cano continues to prove that he is an idiot. His swing was made for Yankee Stadium yet he rejected seven years and 180 million from New York in favor of ten years and 240 million at the notorious non-hitter’s ballpark in Seattle.

Now I know 240 millions sounds like a lot but with inflation his contract is probably worth only 220 million. He’s going to have to tighten his belt

There were no celebrities in attendance at the game. Perhaps the Yankees “no cocaine or hookers” policy turned them away.

Best heckle of the game:

I tried but my heckle of “Say, has anyone seen the Model D83 Swedish sure-grip suck machine that I ordered?” just didn’t fire up the crowd. I guess they don’t appreciate the love that a Model D83 Swedish sure-grip suction machine can give.

Recommended reading material:

The Collected Poems of W.B. Yeats, edited by Richard J. Finneran, Revised Second Edition.

Reader mail:

A.P. of Poughkeepsie writes, “I’ve been swimming in raw sewage. I love it!”

A workable sewage system is racist. I’m glad to know you are not racist.

D.B. of Philadelphia writes, “I’m single! I love being single! I haven’t had this much sex since I was a Boy Scout leader!”

I’m glad to see our leaders have eschewed a bourgeois sexuality.

S.J. of Minneapolis writes, “We’ve got a long road ahead of us. It’s like having sex. It’s a painstaking and arduous task that seems to go on and on forever, and just when you think things are going your way, nothing happens.”

I hate when my internet goes down when I’m masturbating while on Skype.

L.T of Queens writes, “I want a car out front! Something fun. A Porsche! Then I want a plane ticket to Jamaica. And I want a nice hotel. No touristy place. Something really indicative of the people and their culture.”

I find you guilty of cultural appropriation!

My record this year stands at 0-2.  My next game is Wednesday April 20th against the Philadelphia Kansas City Oakland Athletics.

Go Yankees!

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