Batman v DMV

I hate government bureaucracies almost as much as the Joker!

I hate government bureaucracies almost as much as the Joker!

Superhero movies are all the rage nowadays. Probably because 20 somethings and 30 somethings all live at home with their parents, haven’t worn a suit in their lives and refuse to grow up. Adults can we let the kids have their superheros back? But I digress.

One thing I’ve noticed is that these new movies lack a sense of being grounded in reality. Too much CGI and our heroes are never actually in danger. That’s why I’m so excited about the new “Batman v DMV” movie that is slated to be released in May.  It’s dark, brooding and disturbing. Just like Manhattan Infidel. Also Batman appears to be in real danger throughout the movie.

So sit back and enjoy this brief trailer.

Inside Gotham’s Department of Motor Vehicles.  Batman has arrived to renew his license and get new plates for his Batmobile.

Scene One:

Loudspeaker: Now serving customer no. 25.

[Batman looks at the slip of paper in his hand which has the number “238” on it.]

Batman: Son of a bitch!

Scene Two (forty five minutes later):

Loudspeaker: Now serving customer no. 71.

[Batman looks at slip of paper in his hand which still has the number “238” on it.]

Batman:  Goddammit!

Scene Three (an hour and half later):

Loudspeaker: Now serving customer no. 149.

[Batman looks at slip of paper in his hand which still has the number “238” on it.]

Batman: F*ck it!

Scene Four: (Two hours later):

Loudspeaker: Now serving customer no 192.

[Batman uses his pen to scribble out number 238 on his slip of paper and write in “192.”]

Batman: That’s me!  That’s me!  Number 192 right here!  Yep. I’m without a doubt number 192.

[A senior citizen gets up and starts to complain.]

Senior citizen: No he’s not. I’m number 192. He scribbled out his number and wrote 192 on his sheet of paper. I saw him do it!

[Batman gets grappling hooks from his utility belt, attaches them to the senior citizen’s pants and watches as the senior citizen is propelled to the ceiling where he hangs, suspended.]

Batman: Sorry about that folks. Probably just a teabagger trying to foment civil unrest. God bless the United States government and her employees.

[Batman approaches the window where a DMV employee greets him.]

DMV Employee: Good afternoon. How may I help you today?

Batman: I’m here to renew my license and get special vanity license plates.

DMV Employee: Name please.

Batman: I’m Batman.

DMV Employee: Okay is that first name Bat last name Man?

Batman: No!  Just Batman. I’m Batman dammit.  I’m Batman!

DMV Employee: Now before I renew your license I’m going to have to ask you to take your mask off while I take your picture.

Batman: What?  

DMV Employee: Your face must be visible on your license.

Batman: I can’t, I won’t take my mask off.  I’m Batman dammit.

DMV Employee: Now Mr. Man you’re going to have to take your mask off.

Batman: That’s Batman dammit.  Batman!

DMV Employee: Are you refusing to take your mask off and if so are you Muslim?

Batman: What?

DMV Employee: Under Gotham City law Muslims do not have to remove their burkas. Are you stating your religion as Muslim?

Batman: So if I say I’m Muslim I can keep my mask on?

DMV Employee: Yes Mr. Man.

Batman: I’m Muslim. I’m Batman and I’m Muslim.

DMV Employee: Turn toward the camera and stand still.

[Batman’s photo is taken.]

DMV Employee: Thank you Mr. Man. Is there anything else I can assist you with?

Batman: Yes, I want to have new vanity license plates for my vehicle that say “CapedCrusader”.

DMV Employee: Let me check the database.  [Pause.] Sorry sir that has already been taken.

Batman: What?  Oh then what about “Caped1Crusader”?

DMV Employee: Let me check.  [Pause.]  Sorry sir that appears to be taken as well.

Batman: Caped2Crusader?  Caped3Crusader?

DMV Employee: They’ve all been taken.

Batman: By who?

DMV Employee: Superman.

Batman: Son of bitch! I hate him!  You realize this means war!

[End of clip.]

Wow.  That brief clip was  fraught with tension and dramatic possibility.  I can’t wait to see the entire movie.


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