I am a benevolent god

Since I am a religious man sweet Jesus her skirt is short and a political junkie I sell governor Cuomo his heroin I have decided to publish the Ten Commandments. The modern version promulgated by his holiness Barack Obama.

 1 And now Barack Obama spoke all these words on MSNBC which follow. 2 I, the President, am thy ruler (he said); I, who rescued thee from the land of Capitalism, where thou didst dwell in wage slavery.

3. Thou shalt not defy me by making other gods thy own besides the State (I’m looking at you Catholic Church. Yeah, I’m taking away your tax-exempt status.) 4 Thou shalt not carve images, or fashion the likeness of anything in heaven above, or on earth beneath, or in the waters under the earth because of global warming. Don’t ask me to explain but the science is settled, 5  I, thy President, the Executive Almighty, am jealous in my love; be my enemy, and thy children, to the third and fourth generation, for thy guilt shall make pay their fair share of taxes; 6 love me, vote Democratic, and your taxes shall be lowered a thousandfold.

7 Thou shalt not take the name of the Barack Obama lightly on thy lips; if a man uses that name lightly, Barack Obama will call him racist and increase his taxes.

8 Remember to keep April 15th holy. 9 Other days for drudgery, for doing all the work thou hast to do; 10 when April 15th comes it is a day of celebration, consecrated to the State. That day, all work shall be at an end, for thee and every son and daughter of thine, thy armed security guards, thy beasts, too, and the illegal aliens that live within thy gates. 11 It was six days that Barack Obama spent on golf course; on the seventh day he rested, and that is why the Barack Obama has blessed Tax Day, and hallowed it.

12 Honour thy father even if you’ve only met him once or twice and thy mother and thy stepfather in Indonesia and your grandparents, typical white people that they are; so thou shalt live long to enjoy the land which Barack Obama means to give thee. Just stay off Federal land out west or we will arrest you.

13 Thou shalt do no murder. Unless thou live in a poor neighborhood and vote Democratic and use a gun for your murder. #Blacklivesmatter.

14 Thou shalt not commit adultery. Unless it’s a Pakistani man. Mm.

15 Thou shalt not steal. That is the State’s job.  Every April 15th.

16 Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour. Unless he’s made a YouTube video that denigrates the Prophet Allah.

17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, unless he doesn’t pay his taxes in which case the State shall covet his house, or set thy heart upon thy neighbour’s wife or his transsexual lover, or armed security guard or anything else that is his. Let the State covet it.

Hallelujah brother!

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