Chicks dig the ‘stache.

Note:  The following document was unearthed during research by me and is currently housed at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™  Those wishing to inspect the original document to verify its authenticity send me money.  Lots of it.

To His Excellency Franklin Delano Roosevelt, President of the United States of America

Dear Sir:

I am writing to you because as the heads of two nations currently locked in conflict I am hoping we can avoid further bloodshed and find a common ground. Let me briefly list a few things that we have in common.

• We are both progressives.  I am a socialist as I believe you are too.  We both believe in the redistribution of wealth and the role that government can play in the lives of our subjects.
• We both hate banks. If I may I’d like to quote from your inaugural address:  “Practices of the unscrupulous money changers stand indicted in the court of public opinion…..there must be strict supervision of all banking and credits and investments…..but in the event that the congress shall fail to take one of these two courses…..I shall not evade the clear course of duty that will then confront me.  I shall ask the congress for….broad executive power….”

Why sir when I read these words of yours tears came to my eyes. Strong executive action!  Humbling the evil Jew bankers!  I couldn’t have said it better myself. Why must our countries be at war?  You and I are united in our struggle against capitalism and its evils.

• I have interred the Jews.  You have interred the Japanese. In both cases the State acted to protect itself from a vicious and perfidious enemy.
  
• We both hate Stalin and recognize that communism is the second greatest threat to peace today, second only to unfettered capitalism.
• We both hate Wendell Wilkie and have seen Churchill naked.  (See I make with the funny.  Rest assured.  We Germans have ways of making you laugh.)

With all we have in common I must ask you again why are we fighting each other? Let us unite and show the world what the glory of a socialist German-American partnership can do.

In return for an alliance between us I promise to send you those nude photos of Marlene Dietrich that I have.

Yours sincerely,

Adolf Hitler

The archives at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ also contain FDR’s reply to Hitler:

Adolf Hitler, German Chancellor

Dear Adolf:

Let me say what a pleasure it was to receive your letter.  I never knew we had that much in common.

Just one thing.  You mentioned nude photos of Marlene Dietrich. If you do indeed have these in your possession I can assure you that I will do all in my power to finalize an official alliance between our two nations.  I want to see her naked.  (What can I say.  I am a Democrat.) Just be sure my wife doesn’t see them. She likes her as well.  Yes, I have a lesbian wife.  As I said, I am a Democrat.

Yours sincerely,

Franklin Delano Roosevelt, President, United States of America

Now I don’t know why this alliance never came about but I am sure I speak for most of my readers when I say that it is a shame it never did.  The world would have been a much better place.  And I want to see Marlene Dietrich naked.

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