My Exclusive Interview with Caitlyn Jenner

My penis makes me feel like less of a woman

My penis makes me feel like less of a woman

Today at Manhattan Infidel it is my distinct pleasure to interview the woman of the hour, the woman everyone is talking about, the winner of ESPN’s Courage award, Caitlyn Jenner herself.

MI: Good afternoon Miss Jenner.

CJ: Please, call me Bruce.  Um, I mean Caitlyn.  I’m sorry.  I got used to calling myself Bruce.  Force of habit you know.

MI:I understand totally.  Change can be difficult.  Last week I changed my password.  I still type in my old one.

CJ: I changed my sex.  Not quite the same.

MI: Okay let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about the 64,000 dollar question.  Why become a woman?

CJ:  All my life I felt different.  I felt trapped in a male body I did not want.  What did this male body ever do for me?

MI: It won you the Olympic Decathlon.

CJ:  Yes.  That.  That’s why I became a woman.  My testosterone-fueled male body made me want to beat people in competition.  And that’s just wrong. Competition is just another form of bullying.  And after years secretly wishing to be a woman I decided to be one.

MI:  So you’ve gone the whole nine yards?  You’re a complete woman now?

CJ: Yes.  I had years of hormone therapy and counseling on how to live as a woman.  And I am one now totally and biologically.

MI: Wow.

CJ: Except for one minor detail.  I still have my penis.

MI: That’s a pretty significant minor detail.

[Chaz Bono enters]

I demand a penis!  Caitlyn better give me her!

I demand a penis! Caitlyn better give me hers!

CB: You have a penis? 

CJ: Yes. It’s common for male to female transsexuals to keep their male genitalia for some time.

CB: You son of a bitch!  I don’t have a penis!  And you’re keeping yours?

CJ: Yes.  For a while.

CB: Give me your f*cking penis!

[Chaz lunges for Caitlyn’s penis and they both fall to the floor.]

CJ: Wait!  Stop!  Stop tugging on it!

CB: Give me that penis!  I demand a penis.  You have one. I want it!

CJ: You’re gonna break it!

[A snapping sound is heard.  Caitlyn cries out in pain.]

CJ: My penis!  My beautiful penis that I used to bone many woman back before I decided to become one myself.  It’s broken!  You ruined it!

[Caitlyn and Chaz begin pulling each other’s hair.]

CB:  I’m not paying for a broken penis you Kardashian bitch.  Give that to me now so I can put it on ice.

CJ: Never!  This is my penis and you’re never having it! You’re just a man with a beard and no penis.  Why don’t you go join NSYNC or Backstreet Boys!

MI: Okay.  I’ll just let myself out.

CB: Do you have a penis?

MI: Yes and I intend to keep it.

CJ: Take his and leave my poor broken penis alone!

CB:  Come back!

It was at this point that I ran as fast as I could in the opposite direction. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to lie low for awhile.  Chaz is still out there.  And he wants a penis.


4 Responses

  1. petermc3 says:

    CB looks suspiciously like James McCartney while CJ looks suspiciously like Bruce Jenner…Hmmm.

  2. LSP says:

    I’m surprised Snoop Dog wasn’t in that interview. You didn’t invite him?

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