From the Manhattan Infidel Future Archives: Safe Space Zones for Minorities and Their Gay, Lesbian and Transgendered Allies Declared Separate but Equal

Peoples of color and their gay, lesbian and transsexual allies need to be segregated!

Peoples of color and their gay, lesbian and transsexual allies need to be segregated!

Dateline 2017

In a far-reaching and historic decision the Supreme Court today decided that safe space zones for ethnic and sexual minorities do not violate the Constitution.

“We find that the existence of segregated safe zones not only not unconstitutional we find them necessary” said justice Sona Sotomayor in the majority decision.

As a woman of color I find that I often feel threatened by my white colleagues on the bench. They think differently than me. I use my experience as a wise Latino woman when judging cases that come before this court.  My colleagues, my white colleagues, have a different standard and often use the founding fathers for an interpretation.  And is it any wonder that lesbians, gays, transgendered, blacks and Hispanics need a break from white faces?  I will not discuss the curious case of Asians at the moment who, being successful and assimilated have betrayed their heritage of color.

Justice Elena Kagan offered similar sentiments.

Often as a women I have to hear threatening speech from my male colleagues.  It’s like they feel that living in America gives them the right to free speech. What about my feelings?  Just the other day I was on the buffet line and I overheard a guy on the line talking about a woman he thought was attractive.  Hello? What about a trigger warning?

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg talked about the historical circumstances of the old segregation and how the new safe zones will be different.

Under the old system of Jim Crow, segregation was imposed from without on peoples of color by those living a powerful, privileged white lifestyle.  Under the new system of safe spaces the segregation will be imposed from within by the peoples of color and their gay, lesbian and transgendered allies.  By imposing this separation from within they are empowering themselves. These safe zones will be separate, yes. But also inherently equal. My only hope is that safe spaces expand to include old Jewish women, midgets and Scottish terriers.

Reaction to the decision has been mostly positive on the nation’s college campuses.

“I want to feel safe and warm and secure” said one woman majoring in lesbian studies.  “And I know I never feel that way around breeders.”

“I don’t want to be around white people” said one black student. “They smell funny.  They smell like soap.”

The only negative reactions have come from campus administrators worried about the expense of setting up segregated safe zones.

“Printing up signs that say ‘Peoples of color only’ alone will be a major expense” said one.

But don’t even get me started on the cost of building separate waiting rooms, separate classrooms and separate dorms.  My god what about the separate drinking fountains.  We’ll have to ensure a separate water supply for peoples of color and their gay, lesbian and transgendered allies.  I know many won’t feel safe until they can be assured that whites will not tamper with their water.

From the White House, President Elizabeth Warren hailed the decision as a giant leap forward for her race.

“As a Navajo, I mean Cherokee, I yearn to be segregated.”


3 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    “We are pleased that NAMBLA’s safe zones will be in pediatricians offices, day care centers, parks and playgrounds” said their spokesman Big Dick Hertz.

  2. LSP says:

    But what about Caitlyn? There has to be a safe zone set aside for persons of extraordinary courage.

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