Rapper Dies at McDonalds!

This man died at McDonalds, the victim of processed food and gunshot wounds

This man died at McDonalds, the victim of processed food and gunshot wounds

The rapper known as Big Paybacc died while at a McDonalds in Palmdale, California.

According to witnesses, the rapper whose real name was Habeeb Ameer Zekajj, was eating a Big Mac with large fries, soda and a side of McNuggets when he died.

“Yeah he was sitting at the booth next to me” said a patron.

He was having a Big Mac and a shitload of McNuggets.  I think he ordered 20 of them. He was talking about his new rap song when he just grabbed his heart and collapsed.  I think he grabbed his heart.  It might have been the back of his head because that’s where the shooter was.  I told the brother not to order so many McNuggets. Those things will kill you!  Everyone knows the white man makes McNuggets and sells them to the black man to kill him!

When police arrived they assessed the situation.

“We had one young black man dead” said an officer.

We looked at his tray and saw the Big Mac, large fries and McNuggets and knew immediately it was probably a heart attack. Obesity is an alarming problem in the black community. He also had six exit wounds on his body.  Someone said it might be bullet wounds but of course any such speculation would be racist.

“He just keeled over and expired on the scene” said an emergency medical technician.

We tried to revive him but were unsuccessful, probably because of the gaping wound in his head, though the meal he was eating didn’t help.  I mean the fries alone probably clogged his arteries to the point where his heart stopped.  Though again we won’t know if the multiple bullet wounds to his body were a contributing factor until the autopsy results come in.  He also was obese.

The EMT’s last comment points out the number one cause of death of black males between the age of 16 and 35: Obesity, followed by high blood pressure, sickle cell anemia, Taylor Swift and multiple bullets wounds to just about anywhere on the body.

The McDonalds that Big Paybacc had his last meal issued the following statement:

The entire McDonald’s family is saddened by the death of Big Paybacc.  While none of us had ever heard of him or downloaded his songs from iTunes we understand that he was beloved in the Palmdale rap community and was often referred to as the next Sir Mix-A-Lott.  We at McDonalds are also concerned over reports that Big Paybacc died while eating a Big Mac.  We promise a full investigation into the incident and if the autopsy shows that the Big Mac contributed to Big Paybacc’s death will pull the item from our Palmdale store.  We care about the health of the black community and for the immediate future, out of an abundance of concern, will only sell salads at the location.  We have also made a contribution to the Reverend Jesse Jackson’s Rainbow Coalition.

Big Paybacc’s fiance was too distraught to talk to reporters though she told a friend that she begged him not to go to the McDonalds because he was obese and everyone knows that obesity is the number one killer of black men.

“He’s gone!  He’s gone!’ she cried as she collapsed into the arms of relatives.  “Damn you Taylor Swift this is your fault.”

A candlelight vigil will be held in downtown Palmdale to remember all the victims of McDonalds. Those attending the vigil will be asked to leave their guns at home.

Taylor Swift could not be reached for comment.


3 Responses

  1. I’ll have to add lead poisoning to my list of reasons never to eat at McDonalds. Is that being racist?

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