Peppermint Patty Marries Long-Time Lover Marcie

Yes I will marry you!

Yes I will marry you!

Patricia “Peppermint Patty” Reichardt  married her lover Marcie in a ceremony attended by Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Linus, Schroeder, Charlie Brown’s teacher and Peppermint Patty’s entire woman’s lacrosse semi-pro team.

“This is the happiest day of my life” said Peppermint Patty after the ceremony.

For a long time I thought I’d never see this day.  But I thank the Circuit Court in this state for legalizing same sex marriage.  It’s a step forward in the long march of civilization out of the dark ages. Now Marcie and I can hold our heads high and declare our love. 

When asked when she first realized she had feelings for Marcie, Peppermint Patty said in retrospect it was love at first sight.

She sat behind me in class. She kept calling me sir. I was a confused kid. Confused about a lot of things. Confused about whether Snoopy was a funny looking kid with a big nose or a dog. Confused about whether Charlie Brown’s guest cottage was really a dog house. Confused about my sexuality. I thought I was in love with Charlie Brown until I realized I wanted to subvert the dominant paradigm.  Anyway Marcie was in my gym class and we had lockers next to each other.  That’s where we first kissed.  I’ve never felt anything like Marcie’s lips on mine.  We had to hide our love at first.  But when Marcie came out I had to come out with her.

All was not well however and the couple did experience some resistance from the town because of their declaration of love.  Most notoriously Peppermint Patty’s father, who used to refer to her as his “rare gem” disowned her after the announcement and did not attend the ceremony at City Hall.

In place of her father the bride, in a sweet moment that brought tears to those in attendance, was given away by former love interest Charlie Brown.

“I always knew something was up with Peppermint Patty” said Mr. Brown.

She kicked my ass every time at baseball. Then when we went to the prom together she asked me what that bulge was in my pants and if I had an infection.  I told her it was my penis. She screamed and threw up.  Another time I was flirting with her and I asked her to polish my knob. So I get home from school and my father wants to talk to me. “What the hell is going on with you and that tom boy?” he asked.  It turns out that Peppermint Patty was in my bedroom polishing my door knob. She takes things very literally I guess.  My father grounded me for a week. But anyway, I’m glad she and Marcie have found each other.

As the applause died down Charlie Brown’s teacher got up to make a brief toast.

“Wah wah wah.  Wah wah wah wah wah.  Wah wah!‘ she told the newlyweds.

“I’ve never heard my teacher sound more articulate than that” declared Charlie Brown.

As for their future, Peppermint Patty and Marcie are planning on raising a family.

“Sir wants me to be inseminated” said  Marcie.  “We are going to use Linus’ sperm. He has the right qualities we want to pass on to our children.’

(1105)

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