My Exclusive Interview with Dead Peter Jennings

The American voters had a temper tantrum, which is just like lung cancer

The American voters had a temper tantrum, which is just like lung cancer

With the midterms elections over enough time has passed to reflect upon its meaning.  What does the Republican wave forebode?  Who better to talk about it than former ABC News anchor, Dead Peter Jennings.

MI: Good afternoon Mr. Dead Peter Jennings.  May I call you Dead?

DPJ: Peter will be fine.  I don’t insist on formalities.

MI: Very well Peter.  Did you watch coverage of the midterm elections?

DPJ: Yes of course.  We have great cable reception.  Bundled cable was invented where I live.

MI:  And where would that be?

DPJ: Hell.

MI: I see.

DPJ: I’ve had a week to think about the Democrats disastrous rout and I think there is only one intelligent explanation.

MI: Which is?

DPJ: The American voters held a temper tantrum.  Ask parents of any two-year-old and they can tell you about those temper tantrums: the stomping feet, the rolling eyes, the screaming. It’s clear that the anger controls the child and not the other way around. Imagine a nation full of uncontrolled two-year-old rage. The voters had a temper tantrum last week.

MI: Wow.   That’s really a condemnation of America, isn’t it Mr. Dead Peter Jennings.

DPJ: Well the American voter deserves to be condemned. They could have voted Democrat and continued the compassionate polices of gun confiscation, blanket amnesty and redistribution of wealth.  These are policies applauded by the rest of the world, including my native Canada.  But no.  America chose to befoul itself and vote Republican.  Normally only a stupid minority votes for this party but I guess America must have a fever for stupid.

MI: So voting against the Democratic party is evidence of stupidity?

DPJ: Yes.  America has lost the respect of the rest of the world. Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about.  The English speaking world of which we are members are the most intelligent on the planet. England is first in intelligence, my native Canada is second and Democratic voting Americans are third.  That’s the order of intelligence and sophistication.  Republican voting Americans are generally ranked lower than Italians or Eastern Europeans.

MI: Wow that’s, um, I don’t know what to say.  I’m not sure I understand your assertion that voting against Democrats is evidence of mental deficiency.

DPJ:  Well that’s probably because you’re one of them. You voted against the Democrats.  That mean’s your stupid.  Of course you’re not going to understand a complex subject like the ranking of intelligence in the English speaking world.

MI :Yeah I think you better rephrase that.

DPJ: For instance whenever I go home to my native Canada, which unfortunately I haven’t had a chance to visit since I died, I am surrounded by intelligent, compassionate, non gun-owning Canadians who keep asking me how I stand it. How do I stand being surrounded by pouting, screaming children who are stupid and throw temper tantrums instead of voting for the Democrats, which all Canadians would do if given the chance.  I tell them that I stay because I hope some of my old-world Canadian sophistication will rub off on the yokels in America. 

MI: You better watch your mouth.

DPJ: Have I offended you?

MI:  No I mean you better watch your mouth.  It’s falling off.

DPJ: Well I am dead.  Things like this happen.  I wouldn’t expect an American like you to know about this though.  You are probably insular and not interested in the outside world, including the outside world of the dead.

 MI: I think this time you had really better watch your mouth.

DPJ: But I just reattached it. Is it falling off again?

MI: No.  I’m going to punch the shit out of you.

[Manhattan Infidel punches Peter Jennings, whose head falls off]

DPJ: Now look what you’ve done.  My head fell off.  Do you know how long it took me to reattach it for this interview?

MI: That’s about all the time we have.  I thank you for meeting with me.

DPJ: Wait!  Wait!  Don’t just leave me here. Help me put my head back on.

MI: Goodbye.

DPJ: Come back!  Come back!  You American brute.  You filthy, dirty American brute!  I hate you.  I hate your country!  I – oh who am I kidding.  I love America. Such a bad boy. And I love it rough.

And so I left Dead Peter Jennings desperately trying to reattach his head.  I’d help him myself but I’m probably too stupid.  If any Democrats are reading this perhaps you can help him?



5 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    Just wait till our American sunni’s declare jihad against Canada’s shites or is it our shites vs their Sunnis and what about the North American wahabis? Will they be with us or them? Will the clusters of 72 virgins be Canucks or Yankees? It’s more confusing than Father’s Day in the hood.

  2. So, did you find out how many times Dead Peter voted in this last election?

  3. Petermc3 says:

    … and can he still get Cuban cigars?

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