Recently the future 45th president of the United States Hillary Clinton, who will reign from 2017 to 2025 was quoted as saying “Don’t let anybody tell you that, you know, it’s corporations and businesses that create jobs.”

Because of the controversy these comments engendered Ms. Clinton had to backtrack and modify her comments and claim that she “Shorthanded” what she meant to say.  Here is her correction:

“Our economy grows when businesses and entrepreneurs create good-paying jobs here in America and workers and families are empowered to build from the bottom up and the middle out.”

See the difference?  Her correction makes all the difference.

With this in mind I now present for my readers Manhattan Infidel’s Official Guide to Interpreting Hillary Clinton Quotes™.

• “We’re going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good.”

This quote might seem to embrace forced redistribution of wealth.  Not so.  There can only be one interpretation:

 “I’m going to take Bill away from the younger girls and give them to me.”

• “It’s time for a new beginning, for an end to government of the few, by the few, and for the few and to replace it with shared responsibility for shared prosperity.”

I think by this Hillary is talking about the shared responsibility of colleges to educate our future leaders.  I would interpret the quote to mean this:

“My shared prosperity with Bill is the responsibility of all the masses.  So keep paying me $200,000 per speech.”

• “I certainly think the free-market has failed.”

Now how to interpret this quote correctly?  I must admit I was stumped. However upon reflecting upon this quote with the entirety of Hillary’s corpus I believe the following is the correct interpretation:

“Let’s kill all the Irish and take their land.  I want to be known as Cromwell with tits.”

• “I think it’s time to send a clear message to what has become the most profitable sector in (the) entire economy that they are being watched.”

A very controversial quote that on first glance might seem like Ms. Clinton is favoring NSA-type surveillance. But I think a more nuanced interpretation might be this:

“Mankind was a mistake. We are a blight on Mother Earth. I favor forced extermination of undesirables starting with anyone who doesn’t make at least 100,000 a year. We can exterminate them in many ways. Ovens, cannibalism, shooting them with crossbows are just three of my favorite options. But the important point is that the vast majority of mankind must be eliminated if I am going to continue living the elite lifestyle I deserve.”

• “I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas, but what I decided to do was fulfill my profession which I entered before my husband was in public life.”

This quote on first glance would seem to express Hillary’s inner bitterness over her feelings that her husband, who she considers inferior, became President before her. I feel what Hillary was actually trying to say was this:

“I killed my husband during a bout of rough sex play in the 1970s.  I keep his mummified body in the basement. Using my superior mind I built a robot that mimics my late husband. I did this because American society is still too patriarchal to trust a woman with power.  That is why all men must be killed and replaced by robots that will do the bidding of women.”

Well there you  have it readers.  I hope my guide will clear up any misunderstanding as to what Hillary is really saying.

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