My Exclusive Interview With the Ebola Virus

The face of racism

The face of racism

He’s the world’s hottest celebrity.  He’s in demand across the globe.  His name is on everyone’s lips and he has just arrived in New York City.  Only I have the journalist bona fides to snag an interview. Ladies and gentlemen I now present my exclusive interview with the Ebola virus.

MI: Ebola it’s a pleasure to meet you.

EV: Thank you.  It’s a pleasure to be here.  Let me start out by saying that I have experienced nothing but kindness from New Yorkers since I arrived.  Being a country boy I thought I’d be out of place in the big city but I feel like I’m fitting right in.

MI: New York loves celebrities.  What have you done since you’ve been in the city.

EV: Oh the usual tourist stuff.  Staten Island Ferry, Statue of Liberty, the High Line.

MI:  Um, you’ve been all over the city?

EV:  All over.  Well except for the Bronx.  That place scares me.

MI:  Everywhere?  Aren’t you worried that you might infect people?

EV:  You worry too much.  If I were that infectious don’t you think President Obama or the CDC would have banned flights from infected areas?

MI:  You bring up a good point.  I’m sure the President and the CDC have our best interests at heart.

EV: Besides, search your history.  Since when has a quarantine ever been infected? Search your science.  Diseases are not spread by contact.  They are spread by racism and fear.  Fear of the so-called “other.”

MI: Well actually – 

EV: The science is settled on this.

MI:  But –

EV:  And isn’t your so-called desire to “quarantine” infected areas really a manifestation of your white privilege, ableism and racism?

MI: No, it’s simple common sense.

EV:  You’re a Republican aren’t you?  I can tell.  You hate me because I’m African.

MI: Wait a minute.  There’s no need for name-calling.

EV: I call it as I see it you racist.  Do you know how I came into being?  Because of the institutional racism of the white man I was born.

MI: We’re going to have to agree to disagree on this.

EV: Coward.

MI: Do you have any comment on the protocols being carried out for those infected with you?

EV: Another manifestation of white privilege and racism.  How do you think it makes me feel to see people in hazmat suits?  It stigmatizes me.  No hazmat suits!  I just want to be loved is that so wrong?

MI:  Right. So what’s next for you?

EV:  I’d like to get my own show.  Perhaps on MSNBC.  I’m fascinated by politics and I’m a progressive virus.  I don’t discriminate against blacks or women.  No war on woman here.  Say you don’t look too good.  Are you alright.

MI: I’m fine.  Just a slight fever.  So you’re saying the general public has nothing to fear from you?

EV: No.  We’ve gone beyond the days of quarantining people.  We’ve gone beyond believing in the infectious disease theory.  If people don’t want to get sick from me all they have to do is pay their fair share of taxes.  It’s science and it’s compassionate.

MI: Well that’s about all the time we have.

EV: Is the interview over already?

MI: Yes.  I”m sorry but I think I’m going to throw up.

EV: I hope it’s nothing serious.  Maybe you contracted that enterovirus.  I hear Mexicans caused it.

MI:  I’m out of here.  I have to get to a bathroom quick!

You know maybe the Ebola virus has a point.  We should stop trying to stigmatize those from infected regions.  We should not try to stop flights from coming into this country.  The science is behind this.  And it’s compassionate.  Wow, that diarrhea attack really left me dehydrated.


One Response

  1. Sound like a good day for you to go to Capitol Hill and shake hands with our political elites. They like New Yorkers on Capitol Hill.

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