Emails From the Democratic National Committee

I thought you liked me?????

I thought you liked me?????

With the midterm elections weeks away I have decided to publish emails sent from that super creepy stalker:  The Democratic Party.

The emails from the DNC started innocently enough.

Hi Manhattan Infidel.  I just thought I’d send you this email. I hope your day’s going well.  Hopefully you have air conditioning so you’re not too effected by climate change!  Just wanted to say that I’m really looking forward to the midterm elections, especially since I know I can count on your vote.  President Obama can count on your vote!

I really admire your writing.

Hope all is well!

The Democratic National Committee.

I was a little perturbed by this email but let it go.  I just figured if I didn’t respond the DNC would become discouraged and move on.  I now know that’s not the way to handle a stalker. They didn’t leave me alone.  I soon received a second email:

I don’t know if any of my messages are getting through to you.  Have you received them?  I left messages on your answering machine as well.  I’m really looking forward to seeing you on election day pulling the lever for the Democrats.  If you vote Democratic then I’ll know things are still okay between us.  I want things to be right between us.

Let’s remember the good times!

The Democratic National Committee.

It was at this point that I became totally uncomfortable with my relationship with the DNC and sent a message saying that I was registering as a Libertarian.  The reply was immediate:

I don’t think you’re making a rational decision here if you think the Libertarian Party is the answer.  Will the Libertarian party intervene abroad to defeat our enemies who claim to speak for Islam?  Will the Libertarian party enact speech codes on campus to protect those who find free speech offensive?  I think you’re beautiful, smart and charming and I want you to vote Democratic.  Barack Obama himself said to me that he finds you charming and needs you to help him on election day.

Why are you ignoring me?  What did I do?  I need you badly.  If I don’t hear from you then I’ll assume it’s over.  I won’t email you.  I”ll pretend you don’t exist. (However I might tell the IRS about you.)

Best of luck to you.  Even if I’m angry I still mean it.  Now if you’ll excuse me I have to be a witness at a same sex marriage.

The Democratic National Committee.

Finally I thought. The DNC is going to leave me alone.  I was too optimistic.

Hi. How are you?  I know I said I’d never contact you again but I feel we have a connection. We share the same values.  Remember that time you voted for Dukakis?  It can be like that again.  Please, please, please.  I”m begging you.  Vote Democratic!  Barack Obama needs you  He told me that if you vote Democrat he will send you a shirtless photo of him!  You’d like that, wouldn’t you?  I know I would.

Here’s hoping you vote Democratic.

The Democratic National Committee.

I finally had had too much and contacted the police who brought the DNC in for questioning.  I soon received this email:

You slut! You’re a f#*ing whore!  NOBODY PUTS THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL COMMITTEE IN A CORNER!  I hope your candidates lose the election.  It’ll serve you right.  Then you’ll come crawling back to me on your knees (a position a slut like you is probably very familiar with.)

I have had to change my email address and I’ve noticed a member of the DNC hanging around my building.  Things may get ugly.  If you do not hear from me readers, promise me you’ll contact the police and bring the DNC to justice!


Manhattan Infidel


7 Responses

  1. Which is worse? Being wanted by the DNC or being wanted by the FBI or the IRS? Just swallow your pride and do the right thing.

  2. petermc3 says:

    What were you thinking, or were you thinking at all MI. Nobody puts Baby or The DNC in a corner unless it’s in a men’s room stall at the Vince Lombardi service Area on the New Jersey Turnpike. P.S. Personally I prefer my shirtless photo of Anthony Weiner to one of President Obola. Does that make me a racist?

  3. The DiCrapsalot post has no comment widget…. again!

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