Marvin the Martian Ordered to Attend Anger Management Therapy

This man is angry.  Very angry indeed.

This man is angry. Very angry indeed.

Famed extra-terrestrial Marvin the Martian was ordered by a judge today to attend 200 hours of anger management counseling sessions after he once again threatened to destroy the Earth.

“Mr. Martian” said the judge at the sentencing.

I have listened to the testimony.  I have heard eyewitnesses describe how you planned to destroy the Earth with a, quote, “Earth-shattering kaboom” because it blocked your view of Venus.  You have admitted that you would do this if you could find your Illudium Q-36 explosive space modulater, which thank god has been banned by international treaty.  I cannot allow you to destroy our planet.  The destruction of Earth will have an adverse affect upon the environment and may lead to climate change.  So I hereby sentence you to 200 hours of counseling. This desire of yours to rid Earth bespeaks of your inner anger management issues. Hopefully the therapy sessions will help you.

As he left the courthouse Marvin was approached by reporters who asked him his response to the sentence.

“Anger management therapy sessions?” scoffed Mr. Martian.

Oh this makes me angry.  Very angry indeed!  All I wanted to do was get a better view of Venus.  I spent 2,000 years researching the exact formula for my Illudium Q-36 explosive space modulator.  And when I finally perfect it it is stolen by an Earth creature.  I think I have a right to be angry!  I want my Earth-shattering kaboom!

The court-appointed anger management therapist, Vanessa De LaRosa welcomes the opportunity to help Mr. Martian.

“I’ve had many celebrity clients in the past” she said.

Rock stars, actors, rock star actors, actors who want to be rock stars, rock stars who want to be actors, professional athletes, underworld figures, figure skaters, figure skaters who want to be underworld figures.  I’ve had them all. And I have helped them all. 

She then went on to describe her methods.

I try and find the root cause of the anger.  Did they have a happy childhood?  Do they have mother issues?  Is the sex life okay?  Because if it’s not that can lead to anger and they might do something desperate and shameful like starting a blog.  So I get them to talk to me.  Open up.  Discuss their feelings. You’d be surprised at my success rate. There is no anger that talking and positive reinforcement can’t help.  I hope to cure Mr. Martian of his desire to destroy the Earth with his explosive space modulator. And once we peel back the layers of anger I introduce my clients to yoga.  Yoga is incompatible with anger.

When informed that he would have to do yoga, Marvin the Martian expressed displeasure.

“Oh this makes me angry.  Very angry indeed!”

Mr. Martian’s therapy sessions will begin next week at the conclusion of which he will have to sign an affidavit promising not to destroy the Earth.


2 Responses

  1. petermc3 says:

    The last guy out to destroy the planet blamed his resentment on an overbearing instructor at his madrassa and a white grandmother. .

  2. “Mr. Martian’s therapy sessions will begin next week at the conclusion of which he will have to sign an affidavit promising not to destroy the Earth.”

    I gave the same instructions to a guy by the name of Barack Obama. He didn’t listen either.

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