Frankenstein Joins Match!

Hi sexy.  Let's get together and create our own chemistry!

Hi sexy. Let’s get together and create our own chemistry!

The Frankenstein monster, tired of being single and dissatisfied with the women he was meeting has joined the online dating community Match.Com

“I was hesitant to join” says the monster.

Online dating frankly has such a bad reputation but a friend of mine, the Mummy, said I should give it a try so I joined.  We’ll see what happens.

The monster decided to join in part because of a recent bad experience with a woman he was set up with.

I told Dr. Frankenstein, who created me, that I was lonely and needed a companion. He said he would create a woman for me.  Naturally I was excited.  Woman. Friend. Wife.  So he creates her and introduces us. I was very attracted to her.  She was a babe as they say.  My heart was pounding and I kept saying to myself, “Monster, don’t blow this.  Take it slow.”  So I took her hand and said, “Friend?”

Do you like making love at midnight?

Do you like making love after midnight?

I wanted her to know I wasn’t just after one thing.  Instead she screamed. She hate me. Like others!

After that unfortunate experience the Monster swore off women for awhile, burying himself in books.  But eventually the pull to have a life partner returned.  With nothing left to lose he set up his Match profile.

Look I’m not expecting much.  I don’t have a lot of money.  I’m not particularly athletic or handsome.  And I have no soul.   The no soul thing is a deal breaker with lots of women.  But on the plus side I’m tall and I’ve been told that I’m stoic and woman like that.  Whatever stoic means. The hardest part was coming up with my primary profile photo.  I had to take selfies because whenever I asked someone to take a photo of me they started screaming.  Come on.  I’m not that ugly.  You’d think I was Neil Young or Tom Petty for Christ’s sake. But I finally took one of me smiling.  

I like long walks on the beach and staying active.

I like long walks on the beach and staying active.

I’ve been told I have an attractive smile. The hardest part was what to say about myself.  I’ve lived a pretty sheltered life.  Created in a laboratory.  Hunted by angry villagers.  But I do like long walks and talking about my feelings. Well, technically that’s not true.  I hate talking about my feelings.  But women all want a man who will.  Personally I think people talk to much.

In the coming weeks the Monster hopes to pad his profile with pictures of himself playing sports or posing in front of monuments at exotic locations.

I don’t play sports and I haven’t traveled the globe but I should be able to Photoshop a few of me in front of the Colosseum or that Christ statue in South America.   

The monster plans on giving Match a few months before giving up on women entirely.

“Hell, maybe I was just meant to be alone.   There are worse things.  At least I won’t have to talk about my feelings with myself.”


4 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    He might want to try long walks on the beach and multiple sex partners . It worked for me.

  2. Hey, this is going to work for Frank. There are plenty of hot women, especially the ones who are pathologically jealous, that go for ugly men. They know other chicks won’t be hitting on their man and, of course, they know the ugly man will be eternally grateful to her. It worked for me.

  3. Petermc3 says:

    You are our hearts and our souls inspiration, you’re all we have to get us by. You’re a regular righteous brother.

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